Jake 2.0

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B | Grade It Now!

Muddy and barely dressed, the WolfPak makes their way back to camp. Jake waits for them and asks, "No five-mile run today, gentlemen?" WolfHed gets right up in Jake's face and looks menacing. Then he laughs. "You magnificent bastard!" The other Pak members clamor around, yelling, "How did you pull that off!" Jake smiles and looks happy to be finally accepted by a group that wears matching outfits. Time for initiation! Hoo-ah!

Initiation is, of course, a strip bar. With big-titty strippers. Who pour martinis right into Jake's mouth and then shake their boobies on his head. Then comes the real initiation. "Let's make this cub a wolf!" WolfHed brands Jake by carving the wolf head outline all Pak members have on the inside of his forearm. Jake stares at it, wincing a little from the brute force of it all. I have to wonder, wouldn't this heal right in front of everyone's eyes, like his cut did in the first scene of this episode? It doesn't, though. WolfHed pours some Bombay gin over it, then all the Pak members stick their branded arms out, Jake included, and yell, "Hoo-ah!" Jake's in the Pak for reals, now.

Leader of the Pack hashes over the latest with The Man; they've done data analysis on the info Jake and The Man sent her. They think they have a buyer, and a lead on the bomb. And how's Jake? The Man isn't sure. "He's one of them now." Leader says she'll get him back, once she has the bomb.

It's still party time at La Casa de Grande Titties. The Pak toasts to "absent friends." Jake says the name of the person he replaced in the Pak, and WolfHed says they don't mention that name anymore. Story time! Dateline, Afghanistan, now. The Pak went in to get some bio-weapons, but General Jump Street told them not to jeopardize the weapons, and to hustle back and leave one of their men behind. The next day, Al-Jazeera showed footage of the stray Pak member being torn limb from limb. The group gets pretty sober, in spite of all the booze they've knocked back. WolfHed proposes a toast to the General. The Pak is all, no way! No! "A toast! To the man that made us dishonor us, and our brother. May he have all the advancement and commendation he deserves. In hell." The group hoo-ahs and drinks. One of the Pak members goes to the bathroom, and The Man comes up behind him and slams him to the wall. He kind of looks like Jeremy Piven. Maybe he was in PCU as well? Anyway, NotJeremy says, "I didn't know she was married, man!" The Man says he's going to take NotJeremy to General Jump Street and tell him where the nuke is. NotJeremy says The Man must "be on the pipe" to think he'll sell out the Pak like that. Okay, then The Man will take NotJeremy to the Pak and tell them he's selling them out! NotJeremy says, "Take me to the general!"

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Jake 2.0




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