CBS: Shell Shocked
2: Last night, my wife said she could smell them on me. I had to take three scalding showers before I felt clean. Then she told me I smelled roasted.
1: Yeah, well, I'm definitely having a nervous breakdown. A few nights ago, I dreamed that Mr. Peanut was riding a bomb over Kansas and screaming.
2: That's nothing. I went to my kid's birthday party at the Ground Round and had a panic attack. Why the HELL are peanut shells considered acceptable décor for a restaurant?
4: I had homemade peanut butter once. You have to keep it in the fridge and mix it up before you eat it, but it was good.
1: How's Bill doing?
2: Well, he's off the respirator and responding to visual cues.
1: Yeah, we probably should have quarantined everyone with peanut allergies before one of them went into anaphylactic shock.
2: I'm just glad we found a hermetic sealer who could work on the weekend.
4: Do you think it's hard to make homemade peanut butter?
3: They're salty and stringy and they dry out your fingers and they're not even nuts!
4: Oh, I'll bet I could make some bad-ass peanut butter cookies. With the forking and shit?
1: So, we're agreed, then? Jericho has to come back?
2: Yes, yes, we have to stop them before they move on to [choke] Circus Peanuts.
3: They're NOT even NUTS, people! NOT NUTS! NOT NUTS!
1: I don't see any other way. We're all cracki--
2: Don't go there, man. Just...don't.
3: They're LEGUUUUUMES!
1: Right -- let's just swear we won't make a practice of this, okay?
2: Agreed -- and also, from here on out, no more significant mentions of food of any sort in any script ever again.
1: And forget that George Washington Carver biopic Spike Lee's been trying to push.
2: The wounds are just too raw.
4: Kung Pao chicken has peanuts in it. They're all spicy but kind of nutty, you know?
1: Oh god.
2: What now?
1: What if we cancel Moonlight and they send blood?