Coalition Of The Willing

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Guns Are Easy

After the New Bern away team returns to Jericho, Stanley and his posse keep watch on one of the roads into town. All they see in the dark Midwestern night is a single distant light, and it's coming closer. Okay, is this the Paul Revere reference? Are we actually looking at the belfry arch of Old North Church? Why won't they explain that to me?! It's driving me mad.

Elsewhere, Jake, Hawkins, and Eric drop in on Gray to tell them they are in for a world of trouble.

Out on the prairie, the light keeps approaching, and it is just a single person carrying a lantern. His gun leveled, Stanley orders the lantern-bearer to stop. No dice. Finally, the lantern-bearer raises its head to reveal...a young boy. It's Heather! That's the deep dark secret New Bern's been hiding: sexual reassignment surgery! I should have guessed it from all those phallic mortars just dying to explode. Staring Stanley down, the kid doesn't say anything

Back in Gray's office, Jake recounts, "I think we killed, uh, six? In New Bern." "Eight," Hawkins speaks up from the doorway. "I counted eight." Trust Hawkins. He knows from body counts. You can probably check the notches on his belt if you doubt it. Jake tosses Hawkins a quietly disgusted look. Stanley arrives with the silent kid, who simply sets a Motorola walkie-talkie on Gray's desk and switches it on. Connie's curly-bearded voice crackles through, confirming he's talking to Gray, and then he adds, "Henry? You can come home now, son." Henry leaves as silently as he came. What a weird kid. His voice heavy with "shame on you," Connie announces that they are still cleaning up the blood of their eight downed deputies and have decided that they "need" seven of Jericho's farms, including Stanley's. Also, they "need" half the salt mine. Connie gives Gray four hours to respond. Stuttering, Gray admits that he doesn't understand what's going on. Connie explains, "Jericho is about to be invaded. For the sake of your people, I'm asking you to surrender."

Tonight's Morse code message is, "BOOM!"

It's now bright daylight, so we should assume it was pretty nearly dawn when Connie called? But with Standard Time, wouldn't it still be dark for at least...? You know what? Forget it. My liver can't handle Jericho's screwy time-stamps. The New Bern Away Team has been joined by Jimmy and two deputies, who listen to Jake explaining that none of their patrols have seen anything. Gray blusters, "What is he actually going to do? Just march in here and start shooting us? We were high school football rivals five months ago!" Bet you regret winning the homecoming game and stealing their mascot now. Dad explains all the mortars New Bern still has, and Hawkins adds, "My guess is that they can hit us from as far as two miles out." "Having them and using them on people are two different things," Gray decides. Ah, he's going with the time-honored ostrich approach. Good move, Gray -- the sand will be very exfoliating for that problem skin of yours. "Yeah, that's what they said about nuclear bombs," says the man who actually has a nuclear bomb. Jake stares at Hawkins, who just shakes his head in irritation over Gray's thick-headedness. They have fifty minutes left to figure out what to do. You know what you could do in fifty minutes? Watch an episode of this show!

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