Richmond Farm. The Usurper President goes on with his sickmaking speech: "You've lost loved ones and here you are again, still strong, still proud. This is the best of America." Weak-minded applause breaks out. "But infighting has left us weak," the U.P. adds, "and vulnerable to our enemies." Eric looks at Gray, sitting next to him, to see if he Gets It yet. "Remnants of the old federal government have fallen back to Columbus, Ohio. After the attacks, that government endlessly debated our response. So, in a vacuum of leadership, I acted to let the world know that America was down BUT NOT OUT!" More weak-minded applause, accompanied by brainwashed cheers. Eric, Stanley, and Bonnie do not cheer or applaud. Stanley -- for all his precipitous contract-signing -- appears to be thinking.

Jake storms that they can't just let "them" get away with this. "They already have," Hawkins reminds him. He says that he has to figure out what he's going to do next. With one foot out the door, Jake bursts, "You figure out what you're going to do -- I can't let this go!" In two steps, Hawkins is at Jake's side: "Jake, I need you not to be my problem right now." Jake makes very adolescent faces.

Richmond Farm. "The Federal Government of the Eastern Bloc states no longer has any governing authority beyond the Mississippi. You've seen the flag. This is the flag of a new country, flying from the Mississippi to the Pacific! The thirteen stripes of red and white still represent the thirteen colonies, but they run in a new direction, just as we must chart a new direction for ourselves." Eric shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Gray, on the other hand, looks fully hydrated with the Kool-Aid. "In a few short weeks, Mayor Anderson will represent you as we ratify a constitution for this new nation that will be known to the world by a new name: The Allied States of America!" There's some silence. Puzzled, Gray looks down at the dead flag in his hands. The Usurper President goes on about a clean slate and how their debts have been forgiven: "And we are open again for business. That means jobs, stocked shelves, a return to life as we knew it! In the fall, we'll have elections where we can all take part in building a new government." Great! They get to vote for their leaders! (Offer not valid in any states east of the Mississippi. The following is not included in offer: President. Treasonous submission of multiple protests of the process, especially in cases where the president may have already elected himself disqualifies this voting request. The Allied States of America reserves the right to deny and/or disregard any ballot request deemed to be contrary-wise or argumentative. Only ballots electing the approved candidates will be accepted. This process may not be protested or questioned without the express written permission of Halliburton, KBR, and Blackwater.) "God bless you, and God bless the Allied States of America!" the U.P. finishes, to people's cheers. Meanwhile, guns and soldiers guard those cheering sheep, because, you know, they're protecting the sheeps' right to cheer. So, with the new name, does that make Tomarchio POTAS? Because I'm calling him UPOTAS from now on.