We spend part of the episode inside Emily's head, and it's just as dull and confusing in there as you'd expect. The rest of the episode makes up for that by being fantastically crazy. Team Ravenwood turns up at Stanley's, looking for gas. He doesn't trust them, for no readily apparent reason, and heads into town to warn the townsfolk that soldiers are on the way. Jake gibbers that the soldiers are all bloodthirsty maniacs who will raze the town and salt the earth when they're done. He makes that sound like a bad thing, though. Eric finally sacks up and dumps April before she has a chance to mention that she's pregnant. Mom is pissed, so Eric had better watch his back. Apparently, Team Ravenwood took the scenic route, since even with a head start on Stanley, they don't arrive for hours. When they do, they're stopped on the bridge by the nascent Jericho militia. D.B. Sweeney explains that he has orders to commandeer supplies, and sounds perfectly reasonable. After some debate, and an accidental exchange of gunfire, D.B. Sweeney gives the townsfolk four hours to rethink the situation, and retreats. Then Jake's like, "See, what'd I tell you? He's a psycho!" So the townsfolk decide to blow up the bridge, because there's no way that Team Ravenwood could wade across a river that looks to be about three feet deep. Or, y'know, find a boat. Eric unsuccessfully protests the plan, tries tattling to Dad, and finally zooms off, claiming that he'll solve everything. Team Ravenwood returns and faces off against Jake, who says he'll blow the bridge if they try to cross. Hawkins takes out one of the Ravenwood guys, and D.B. Sweeney finally starts to get irritated. That's when Eric returns with reinforcments: Jonah and a couple of Jonah's men. Which is especially wonderful because, for the whole episode, Johanna and I had been saying, "They should just get Jonah. He's way more menacing than D.B. Sweeney." Team Jonah takes aim at Team Ravenwood from behind, and D.B. Sweeney slinks off into the sunset. Then there's another argument about blowing up the bridge, because, well, it'd be a shame not to, after all that work they did wiring it. Dad finally gets out of his sickbed and manages to slap some sense into people. They wind up just posting guards at the bridge, and Dad sends Jake off to invade Germany. Or something like that. The point is, nothing explodes. What a rip-off!
Previously: D.B. Sweeney scared the crap out of Skeet.
We open as a radio alarm switches on and a DJ announces that it's 8 AM. Emily swats at the alarm till it stops. Oh look: a dream sequence. Then a dude appears, buttoning his shirt cuffs, and tells Emily to "rise and shine." This would be Roger, and he appears to be bland enough to want to marry Emily. And he's a morning person. Ugh. Emily chuckles that "maybe this wedding isn't such a good idea." Roger says that she has a few hours to change her mind. Emily suggests a quickie, but Roger says that he has to go meet his parents, who "aren't all that thrilled with the accommodations." She sighs that they're at the best bed & breakfast in town. There's more than one? I'm a little distracted because I'm admiring the decor of Emily's bedroom. Mostly because I've been wanting to paint my bedroom a similar shade of green. Then I notice that, as Roger sits down to put his shoes on, there's a door to the outside behind him. Even weirder, it's ajar. Did Emily put her bedroom furniture in the living room? Maybe she's supplementing her schoolteacher's salary, if you know what I mean. Roger and Emily jokingly bicker about life in the big city versus a small town, and Emily says, "This is it. When we're married, this is where we live." Roger asks if she's sure, and then vanishes as he walks across the room. Emily freaks out, shouting Roger's name, and then, of course, wakes up in her dark bedroom.
Richmond Ranch. It's still pitch black outside, as Team Ravenwood skulks around the yard, filling their Humvees from Stanley's gas tank. It still has gas? And instead of using it, they spent all that time getting fuel from the gas station? This episode is like one of those "What's wrong with this picture?" puzzles for kids -- so many scenes have at least one thing that makes no damn sense. Bonnie peers out through the curtains at all the lights. We hear a soldier gasp, "There's someone in the window!" Man, these guys have great eyesight. A moment later, Stanley walks outside, carrying a shotgun, and calls, "What the hell are you guys doing out there?" D.B. Sweeney starts to walk over, and explains that they didn't knock because it was so late. Mimi and Bonnie appear behind Stanley, but he tells them to go back in and lock the door. Stanley tells the soldiers that this is private property. D.B. Sweeney says, "I'll see to it you're reimbursed, Sir. We work for the Federal Government." Stanley gasps, "There's still a government! Wow, what great news! Please tell me what's going on out there, we haven't heard from anyone in weeks." No, of course not. Instead, he suspiciously asks what kind of work they're doing. D.B. Sweeney says that they're making sure people have medical supplies, water, and food. He adds that he's trying to locate a friend of his: "You know Eric Green?" Stanley shakes his head. I guess his Spider-sense is tingling again. With that, D.B. Sweeney thanks Stanley for the gas, and the soldiers prepare to leave.