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Jake Goetz Mad

Previously on the awesomeness that is Jericho: D.B. Sweeney traded in figure skates for guns; Jake turned himself into a bridge bomb (look how short his hair was!); Frodale got store-savvy; there's a big ol' conspiracy happening; Beck came to town hotly; and Goetz returned to town evilly.

Opening scene. Frodale and his new posse are blocked by a border patrol in Indian Springs, Missouri. He whines about getting to a trading post, but the soldiers stand their ground while letting in a Humvee filled with hazmat-togged soldiers. Dale asks, "What the hell's going on out there?" The soldier politely asks him to return to his vehicle. As posse-mobiles go, driving a woody station wagon has got to be the least threatening ever.

Jericho. Walking up to J&R with Jake and Eric, Beck briefs them on the new town administrator. Beck says, "I just thought I'd give you the heads up." Jake -- being far more attractive than strictly necessary in a chocolate brown t-shirt -- asks, "Why?" But his answer comes as D.B. Sweeney turns his paunchy face to greet them. "Sheriff!" he smiles evilly. Jake's reaction is satisfyingly panicked. He immediately fumbles for his gun, but Beck stops him. Quickly grabbing Jake's twitchy arm, Beck just says, "Jake." "Thanks for coming by," Goetz evils. "What the hell is this?!" Jake demands of Beck. "I was afraid our little misunderstanding might come up," Goetz understates with maximum evilness. While Beck seems to be giving Jake a hard look that communicates how well he understands Jake's fury, Eric just stands there and tries to have an emotion. Beck says that Goetz told him about their previous "run-ins." "Yeah, did he tell you about the massacre he and his men carried out in Rogue River? Did he give you a headcount on how many people he murdered in New Bern?" Jake trembles. "What I heard is that a sanctioned government contractor attempted to enter this town and you opened fire, killing one of his men," says Beck. Oh, those "sanctioned government contractors" -- they're so impudent with their murder and their multiple Halliburton/KBR rape cover-ups. I wonder if the Allied States of America finds rape and torture acceptable during times of war. Jake, pissed that Beck hasn't heard his side of the story, blusters, "Yeah -- that's what he told you!" With evil smoothness, Goetz asks if he can have a private word with Jake. That's Sheriff Jake to you, asswipe of evil. Jake glares at Beck and turns to Goetz. "I'll be right here," Eric promises. Oh, good. I was worried. Evilly, Goetz begins his Teeny-Tiny Woman ramble: "This is a new building and this is my new office. In that office is a desk. And on that desk is a folder: the Jennings and Rall corporate dossier on Jake Green." Jake squints at him warily. Goetz goes on to say that Jake's employment history with J&R is quite the page-turner, especially when it comes to a little place called Saffa in Iraq. Goetz is so dumb; Saffa's in Palestine. He must be talking about Haditha. "Remember Saffa?" Goetz taunts. "You heard stories about me, think you know who I am...I wonder what the people of Saffa must think about you." Okay, first of all, Jake didn't "hear" stories about you, dude; you came to town and threatened everyone. Second of all, grow your beard back. It hides your muckle mouth. Jake backs away and rejoins his brother -- who is just where he promised he'd be: out of any possible danger -- and Beck. Goetz turns to face the town square and looks very proud and evil of himself.

Police department. Jimmy is fully recovered and out of the hospital and gets applause and cheers from his fellow cops as he returns to work. Jimmy jokes that if they all came to visit him in the hospital, he was heavily sedated and he's sorry for anything he might have said. Beck steps out of the sheriff's office and introduces himself. Jimmy grins, "You must be the one that promoted Jake to be my boss." Beck asks if that's a problem. Jimmy, a bit flustered, stutters, "Um, no -- it's uh, you know, I mean, whatever, it's cool." Beck apologizes for imposing himself on the office and says that they're still getting settled in. "It's great, I'm ready to dive back in, just let me know where you need me to go," babbles Jimmy. However, before he can photocopy his butt for his expense report, Jimmy is distracted by the Sarah Mason WANTED flyers. Darcy watches through narrowed eyes as Beck asks Jimmy whether he knows anything about the terrorist.

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