Patriots and Tyrants

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Patriots and Tyrants

Jake flies and his mappy thing shows him how close they are to the Texas border. It looks far. Hawkins is sort of fainting in a seat in the passenger section. He doesn't look like he has his seat belt on. Oh, shit -- is Hawkins Jake's Goose? Jake switches to his radar and registers two blips. Goddammit, where is their cloaking device?! He gets a radio call. "Unidentified Cessna heading zero-eight-six, identify!" I KNEW it was a Cessna! They're always Cessnas on these shows, and I only know about Cessnas from the Sweet Valley High book when Enid flies in one with her boyfriend George and they crash and Enid is all paralyzed but it's actually just a psychological paralysis, which they force Enid to discover when Elizabeth makes a kid fake that he's drowning in the Wakefield's pool. Two jets swan up to Jake's tail and the radio command is repeated. Jake radios back that he reads them. The ASA jets say they have orders to escort him back to Cheyenne. Jake goes back to his mappy things and mutters to himself. The jets order him to confirm the last transmission. Jake radios back that he is a Texas diplomatic flight en route to San Antonio. The jets tell Jake, "Either put down or we will put you down. You have thirty seconds to comply."

After the commercial, Jake is still trying to buy time by saying they are a consular flight, flying the flag of a sovereign nation. The jets warn that he's had his last warning, and they will put him in the dirt if they have to. Jake frantically switches to his mappy thing. He doesn't look any closer to Texas. The fighters line up on either side of him. "Time's up," the radio tells him, "We're going weapons hot to engage. Out." The jets peel off. "Wait a minute!" Jake calls to them. Jake's plane sounds the alarm of a weapons lock. And I know this because I have owned Top Gun on VHS since I was fifteen. Jake seems to be muttering, "Come on, come on!" to himself. Looking at the radar, he sees two more blips coming right at him. He scans the blue desperately as the weapons lock sounds a long tone of death. Suddenly, two missiles stream out of the burning blue and head for the ASA fighters. One hits home and a jet explodes mightily. The other heat-seeking missile finally finds its true love and the other jet explodes. Two different fighters fly at Jake and crisscross over his bow. Jake actually ducks in the cockpit. The two jets set up flying as escorts, and one radios, "Jake Green, this is Colonel Thompson, Texas Air National Guard." Jake breathes a sigh of relief. And thus, the Bush-smirched rep of the TANG is heroically purged of all taint. Col. Thompson says he has direct orders from the Texas Gov to make sure they arrive safely. "Son, I don't know what you're carrying, but whatever it is, it better be good because I think I just declared war on Cheyenne." YEAH YOU DID! Jake heaves another sigh and flies on. Jake? I think you can start that flight school now.

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