Jericho

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A- | 710 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
There's A New Sheriff in Town

Shooty-bang-bang. Hawkins, poised on his tank, sees the DUN! on the tailwind of the eight helicopters flying over him. Of course, not even the surprise arrival of CGI can distract Awesome Hawkins from the fact that his mission is puff-chugging around the bend.

Back to Richmond Farm. Screaming and shooting and Skeet and noise and dust.

Kansas Bluffs. Hawkins drives the tank. The train puff-chugs. Hawkins drives the tank. Train. Tank. Train! Tank! TRANK! Hawkins parks the tank on the tracks and scrambles out to watch from a safe distance. The train protests this maneuver by honking very loudly before slamming on spark-throwing brakes and smashing into the tank. Cars fly off the tank, spilling...coal?

Richmond Farm. Stanley's jaw drops as he catches sight of the DUN! flying over him. The DUN! gets even louder when a fighter jet of some sort carelessly drops a handful of bombs somewhere very close to the skirmish and blows up a big expanse of nothing. Was that their warning shot off the bow? Jake's eye bulge so hard that they're actually pushing through my screen. As the fire from the bombs rages -- soon to be an all-out wildfire, I imagine, given how dry the land looks -- we go back to present, where Jake's eyes aren't bulging as much as they are crying. Manfully, of course.

Beck slides his clipboard on the table and asks if there's anything Constantino wants to say. Constantino jumps right in with the finger-pointing: "We needed food, water, and supplies. Jericho had those things. We tried to trade peacefully, Jericho responded with hostility, ending with the cold-blooded murder of eight of my deputies. Starving and facing a hostile neighbor, we had to take action." Oh, Lassie, don't be afraid. There are no snow globes here. Beck turns to Jake for his story. Jake's voice and jaw tremble with some serious emotion. "My story?" he grits. "He held us hostage, tortured my brother, terrorized us with mortars. Peace! You didn't want peace, you wanted everything we had! THEY attacked us! They cost us I don't know how many men and women [Dude, weren't you listening? Beck just said!]. You cost me my father." Constantino has the grace to blink his eyes down in regret. Beck tells them, with quiet authority, that the dispute between the towns is officially over. "This isn't over," says Jake, staring at Constantino. "Oh, yes it is," Beck corrects him quickly. "In case you missed the message earlier today, I have the means to make this stick." Beck says that he'll be overseeing the area and conducting an investigation into the conflict. Jake bawls that it isn't good enough. Beck jerks his head, not unkindly, and orders Jake to walk with him. Still giving Constantino hard stares that Paddington would be proud of, Jake wrenches himself up and follows Beck. Of course, he has to pause and look back at Constantino where they exchange "This is SO not over!" looks before going out on the porch. Beck thrusts his clipboard at one of the guard soldiers. Ah, even in war, the paperwork finds you. Jake tells Beck that he has no idea what they've lost. "Not yet," Beck agrees calmly. "There's a reason why I was asked to administer this area. I'm good at what I do." Jake stands frozen, staring off at something. Beck tells Jake to go home, be with his family, treat his wounded, and mourn his dead: "Then, help us rebuild this place. Nightmare's over. Order will be restored." The camera pans around to show that the bombed-out area is now a bustling military camp. Jake looks like he's going to throw up.

Jericho

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