Semper Fidelis

Episode Report Card
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The Few, The Proud, The Fake

Bailey's Bar. Emily throws herself into a hug with Jake, who looks warily up at Grand Prophet Roger. "I heard what happened to you, are you okay?" Emily natters, blondely. "Yeah, I'm better than the truck!" snorts Jake. Emily caws like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard and says -- way too breathily for having her FIANCÉ STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO HER -- "I've gotta quit worrying about you one of these days, right?" When did we see Emily worrying about Jake recently? She was so wrapped up in Grand Prophet Roger giving away his ugly sheets, I don't think she cared where Jake was. Jake doesn't really have an answer to that. Grand Prophet Roger shakes his head slightly, and then sticks his hand out to Jake, saying, "Hey Jake, amazing, huh?" Jake agrees that it is indeed great news, and shakes the happy couple off to turn back to his Marinette. Jake asks what other towns are like. Maggie says that she hasn't seen anything like this since they entered the CZ, which is the Contamination Zone. Jericho is in CZ-12. Why am I detailing this when it's all lies? I have no clue. One thing that is probably true is that Lawrence, Kansas's buildings are all destroyed, and the neighbors are fighting each other for food.

It's a beautiful day in this hungry town,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

It's a neighborly day in this beauty food,
A starvingly day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

I've always wanted to eat a neighbor just like you.
I've always wanted to chow on a neighborhood with you.

So, let's make the most of this feasting day.
Since we're together we might as well say:
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my dinner?
Won't you please,
Won't you please?
Please won't you be my dinner? Hey, neigh-burp!

Maggie goes to brood over the bar's jukebox. Jake tells Mary that they need a transistor for the Marine's radio. Can they take the jukebox apart? Unbelievably, Mary whines, "You're going to take my music -- isn't there anything else you can take apart?" Bitch! Yeah, by all means, whinge about losing your music in the face of nuclear holocaust. What a freaking tool. Mary and Eric deserve each other. Maggie makes an unfunny that, since Mary's got three Spin Doctors albums on there, they'd be performing a public service. Mary's not willing to budge, so Jake figures that they can use an old ham radio. Because that wouldn't be useful to the post-EMP town at all. Yeah, keep your damn jukebox, Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, and see what happens when the town gives their ham radio to these Semper Faux (tm awesomely ThatPoshGirl).

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