Semper Fidelis

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
The Few, The Proud, The Fake

Hawkins House. Sarah orders Hawkins to get the package. She's just dying for his package, isn't she? Hawkins tries to stall. Doesn't work. "You're losing something tonight, I promise you that," says Sarah. Yep, he's losing a package. Leaping up and pressing her gun to the back of Sam's head, Sarah says, "The only question is, is it going to be something with a heartbeat?" Darcy is horrified. Hawkins waves at her to stand down, and goes to get the package. Sarah orders Darcy to bring Allison down.

Jake hears a call coming in from "Dodge City." The dude on the other line says, "Lima Charlie, it's cold as hell out here!" Jake answers it and identifies himself. "Jake Green, this is an official Marine channel get off of--" There's an explosion. Jake pulls the radio phone away from his ear and boggles. He asks if the dude on the other end is taking fire. Jake then realizes that the dumb-ass town of Jericho is setting off fireworks. The better for other murderous scavengers to find them, of course. Jake bursts outside and stares at his dumb-ass town before slapping his forehead and screaming, "THAT'S why I left home!" Jake, very slooowly and theatrically, pulls up his hoodie and joins the crowd. He hears Gray dribble all over MIC that they're just giving the Semper Faux something to remember them by. MIC thanks Gray, but says that they need to move on. Jake looks around at all the happily duped good folks of Jericho. Gray won't hear of the Semper Faux leaving on an empty stomach, and says that he has one more token of gratitude to bestow upon them. ("Bestow" is my word; Gray couldn't find that vocab with fog lights and a microscope.) Jake finds Stanley and tells him to find their guys from patrol and do a sweep of the area, with guns. Stanley protests that they couldn't be safer with the Semper Faux in town, but Jake insists that he knows something's not right. And do you know why Jake knows? Because he's Jake. Jake sends Stanley looking for a guy with a radio just as Mimi bounds up, needing something. "I can't talk," Stanley tells her, bugging out. Jake also leaves. "Well, it's GOOD talking to ya!" Mimi bitches, alone.

Next to a roaring Town Hall fire, Semper Faux and civilians eat. So, who was important enough to get invited to this little shindig? Because they aren't all Semper Faux and Gray. Dad and Mom, sure, but who are these other yahoos? Important townfolk? The country doctor, the country parson, the country crock? Gray bangs a glass and gets up to not make a speech. Instead, he wants "former Sergeant Green" to make a speech. Because Gray knows who wears the fatigues in this here town. Blindsided, but still a class act, Dad -- screw it, he's Mayor Dad even if he isn't in the elected office! -- stands up and rumbles, "The Marine Corps has a motto, 'Semper Fidelis.' 'Always faithful.' And I think it's very fitting that, in our darkest hour, it was Marines who came to our rescue. Never before in our nation's history has a motto been so tried and so necessary. So, uh, Gunny, Marines, Semper Fi." I would just like to note that when Mayor Dad really was Major Dad -- and yes, I watched that show -- he had a Gunnery Sergeant secretary, who was only known as "Gunny." And it just sounds so familiar coming out of McRaney's mouth that I could almost picture Beverly Archer at the table, scowling up at him. As Mayor Dad says "Semper Fi," he raises his glass. Some Semper Faux shout the proper "ooh-rah," and others shout "hoo-ah," which is Army and therefore wrong. Mayor Dad pauses, concerned. Then he sits down. He looks around at the Semper Faux, happily eating and drinking, and is troubled. Tossing conversation lightly enough for a snare trap at MIC, he asks whether the Fighting Fourth has seen much action. "From Iwo to Iraq -- if there's a war, there's the Fourth," responds MIC. "Semper Fi," Mayor Dad responds, immediately and shibbolethly. "Ooh-rah," MIC returns. "Hooh-wah!" some dumb-ass Semper Fax yells, a little too happily. I think he's the same one who addressed MIC as "sir." Not at all slyly, Mayor Dad drops his silverware with a loud clatter on his plate. He just so shaken by the "hooh-wah," he can't hide it any longer! Mom looks at him with interest, wondering if this is the day the cyanide toothpaste finally works. MIC also gives Mayor Dad a gimlet eye. Mayor Dad excuses himself and drags Mom off. MIC watches them leave.

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