Winter's End

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
April Is The Cruelest Month, Bleeding

Using a squeaky pulley, Hawkins painstakingly lowers the BOMB into a pit. He's uncovered some floorboards for this pit, and I wonder why he couldn't have buried Sarah in there as well. I guess she'd begin to smell after awhile. Also, the next time Jimmy came by to joke around with him about married life, Hawkins might hear something through the planks and be obliged to tear them up to stop the beating of her hideous heart. And that would just lead to more awkward questions. Yeah, she's better off in a shallow forest grave. Speaking of Jimmy, he's back. He calls out to Hawkins. Hawkins pauses in his trembling lowering of the BOMB and looks behind him. He's in a shed. Jimmy calls out again. "Just a second!" Hawkins calls back with effort, and slowly sets the BOMB on the floor of the pit. Grabbing a spade, Hawkins goes outside. Once again, Jimmy makes with the Columbo-like observations, "You weren't answering your front door, so doing some yard work -- need a hand?" Hawkins thanks him but says no: "I was just going to turn some compost, get ready to plant food for the spring." I'll bet every Jerichoian would be able to do the Eat Local Challenge. "Oh," Jimmy says, comprehending. "Good idea. Margaret's planting carrots inside. They're a superfood, you know, like broccoli." Yeah, and thanks to the fallout, they're probably going to be super-huge. That would be kind of awesome for the show, though. Think about it: families could be fed on three carrots for a month. Instead of worrying about the refugees, they'd have bigger concerns. Like families who were sick of dealing with cucumber seeds the size of dinner plates, and having to skin them with scythes. The local movie theater -- which wouldn't show movies, but instead be used for Rogerammergau Passion Plays that the Branch Rogerians would put on every ten days with the beet family providing the blood of Christ -- would hand out one kernel of popcorn for an entire row of playgoers. Emily would start a yoga group and use peas for their exercise balls. The leaf tips and choke of artichokes would be deadly weapons, and the family who grew asparagus would no longer have any friends and have to move out of town and way far away anyone's sense of smell. Best news of all, cornichon cucumbers would just grow to the size of regular cucumbers. So, if I'm predicting (wishing and hoping!) that next year will be "Season 2: The Blockade," the following will be "Season 3: Eat Thy Neighbor," and finally "Season 4: The Really Big Vegetables." Sigh. HEAR MY PLEA CBS! You can't cancel our show, we love it so.

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