Jersey Shore

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Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Kraft Disservice

While Snooki feels like shit, everyone else deals with literal shit. Yes, it's the thrilling final chapter of the weeks-long bathroom drama known as Guiding Shite. Ronnie sticks a couple of measly tissues up his nose and decides to address the scatological saga once and for all. But he doesn't get very far before retching and fleeing the scene. Apparently these bright young things have left the festering toilet bowl for so long that it has developed algae. The Situation seeks solace in the fur of JWOWW's dog, which I can't imagine smells that good. Ronnie thinks someone took an additional dump on top of the already horrifying clog that has stopped up this toilet for the last who-knows-how-long. Vinny says any plumber bold enough to go up against this toilet deserves a metal. JWOWW calls their boss from the T-shirt shop (a.k.a. their landlord) to resolve the problem, and he is predictably obnoxious that they didn't handle this ugliness days ago.

Eventually, two plumbers arrive. Snooki shows them the scene of the grime, noting that "the fat one is actually kind of cute, like I would hang out with that." The plumber assures her (weakly) that he's not scared of the toilet and promises to fix their problem. After assessing the toilet, he tells them they might need to take the entire toilet out. He asks how long they've had a problem, and Snooki tells him it's been about two weeks. He says he's surprised they don't have maggots. MAGGOTS. In the time they let this toilet sit and rot to the point they almost had motherfucking maggots, these people made $60,000 apiece. What is wrong with this picture? Oh, but it's not over. After bringing in both a WetVac and an industrial-strength plumbing snake, the plumbers ass-ertain the problem: Someone flushed a frigging T-shirt down the toilet. Size small. Must be Vinny. The best part is that Snooki then asks if the guys will clean the bathroom when they're done. Holy. Cannoli. WTF?!

After JWOWW calls Roger to update him on this new development, everyone eventually gathers around. Vinny insists it wasn't his shirt, but JWOWW says she thinks it's understandable that someone might have dropped a T-shirt down the toilet pre- or post-shower and just tried to flush it instead of fishing it out of the tank. (No, Ms. WOWW, that is not understandable, but continue...) Vinny maintains his innocence, so Pauly comes up with some abstruse alien parable, the gist of which is, "You did it, bro. Fess up."

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Jersey Shore

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