Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C+ | Grade It Now!
Drunk-Dialing Connie

After the girls leave, everyone is laughing about them. Vinny publicly stands up and drags Snooki toward his bedroom as he says, "All right, come on..." Everyone thinks he just did something fucked up, and he immediately backpedals, claiming he was just kidding. Snooki interviews that she's not anyone's last resort. She thinks she should be a first priority, especially with someone like Vinny. She refuses to deal with his antics and storms outside.

Sitch thinks Snooki has every right to be mad since she's the one getting played. Snooki takes issue with the fact that Vinny feels one way drunk and another sober. She tells him it feels like she's being put in second place. Literally pinning her against a wall, which, ugh, he apologizes. It's almost well enough, but he can't resist suggesting they go have sex. She says this is exactly what she's talking about and giving in to him will just make her look like a stupid asshole. Grant you, as she's saying this, he is literally humping her against the wall. All while Deena and Sitch watch under the pretense that they've come outside to smoke. Transparency be thy name!

Vinny picks up Snooki caveman-styles under the assumption that they're going to go back to his room and smush. She throws out her arms to stop him at the threshold, so he continues humping her in the air. Pauly wonder what he had to drink, especially because he only had two of them. Whatever it was, I could probably use it, too. Snooki insists this joke is not funny because it makes her look bad. Vinny tells Snooki he thought they were closer than this and walks away pouting. He quickly gets into a spat with Deena, and Sammi declares him "the ultimate douchebag." Takes one to know one, Giancola. And then they have the world's shortest rap battle, which Sammi declares over after Vinny declares her "the sneakiest bitch you'll ever meet," then slips in his socks and falls on his face.

The next day, Pauly, Sitch, and JWOWW report to their last day of work at the shore store. And by "work," I mean that Pauly tells people JWOWW is pregnant while Sitch literally sleeps on the job. He has found such a crafty napping spot, in fact, that their boss searches the boardwalk for him before finding him back in one of the changing stalls. Situation = fired. Yells Pauly, "BUSTED!"

Later, Sammi is feeling the pain after last night's drunken carousal, not only because she had sex with Ronnie, but also because she slept in her contacts and is practically blind now. Ronnie offers to take her to the doctor for the latter affliction. While they're gone, Ronnie's mom (who is awesomely named Connie) drunk dials the duck phone. She gets Deena, who learns that Connie loves her and that she's tan like an Indian. Deena passes the phone over to JWOWW in time for the weepy recap of SamRo 2.0's Miami drama. JWOWW eventually passes the phone over to The Situation, who at first claims there's no spin to get out of a phone conversation but then is all too happy to shoot the shit about Sammi's supposed texting adultery with Arvin. Ohhhhh, Sitch. Then again, I can imagine one would stir the pot if they were in the middle of such a boring season.

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Jersey Shore




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