Jersey Shore

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Drunk-Dialing Connie

Previously: Sammi supposedly carried on a DL text fling with some Cro-Magnon-looking guy named Arvin, and The Situation reveled in snitching on her to Ronnie. Snooki cried over Vinny's wandering eyes (and hands).

We open on Ronnie literally cornering Sammi and screaming in her face. After Ronnie works his table-turning mumbo jumbo on Sammi as per the usual, she apologizes for hitting up Arvin and admits she would kill any girl who showed up looking for Ronnie. Satisfied, he goes outside to smoke.

Inside, Deena rolls around in a box. Truly. Then Snooki falls over backwards punting it around. Sitch says Deena "Defies the laws of intelligence." Whatever those are. He adds, "I never thought somebody would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist, but Deena takes the cake."

Outside, Ronnie asks Sammi why she would call Arvin after months in the house and all they've been through. Number one, I think you just answered your own question. Number two, because she was SINGLE! How does it escape his notice that he was motor boating other bitches while they were still together, then going home and having sex with her? How is a BBM worse than that? Why do I even try to make sense of Ronnie's warped idea of relationship etiquette? Ronnie says he no longer knows whether he loves Sammi and questions if he can be with a girl like her. He rejects her invitation to go to bed together.

The next morning, all the girls minus JWOWW show up to work 10 minutes late. It's Deena's last day, and their boss is intent on getting some productivity of her. She would rather make free shirts for herself, though. He deems her the worst employee of the 2010 season. Ohhhhh, just you wait, Danny. There's still another day.

After work, Snooki and Vinny go on a burger date. Snooki is particularly keen on the beer-battered onion rings. Vinny starts to talk about his DTF girl from the night before, and Snooki interviews that their "friends with benefits" arrangement isn't working out now that she's developing feelings for Vinny. She talks shit about Vinny's grenades, and he gets the drift. He tells her it would be weird to hook up with her since he sees her every day. I.e. I'm just not that into you. He interviews that their relationship is a roller coaster and that he sometimes lies that he's sorry to make her feel better about herself. Nice. Just what I want in a man. Dishonesty and patronizing. Interestingly, he does admit that there's a chance he could get serious with Snooki... "just not any time soon" is the operative phrase he doesn't include. He essentially says it's nice to have her as a back-up. Oof!

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Jersey Shore

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