Jersey Shore
And the Wall Won

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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Buttheads and Head Butts

All in all, Pauly was underwhelmed by the show. Neither Ronnie's big muscles or Sitch's supposed karate skills added up to much. The most effective beatdown was the one that Sitch put on himself courtesy of the wall. Pauly jokes that he thinks Sitch tried to commit suicide by smashing his head into the wall because he was sick of dealing with SamRo 2.0's bullshit. On a serious note, though, it is only by the grace of thick walls and unscrupulous producers has Ronnie avoided criminal prosecution for the way that he acts. He is nothing short of abusive on every level. A couple weeks ago, Pauly showed some girls around the house, pointed to Ronnie, and joked, "That's what happens when you're on steroids." That was funny. This horror show tonight? Not funny. And worst of all, he gets paid for this fuckery. Handsomely. I know it's a little rich for me to be calling this out since I, too, get paid to write about his shenanigans, but consider this: In what world should be he be financially rewarded for acting in a way that would otherwise land in him in jail to get forcefully backdoored on the regular? If you think I'm disingenuous, then consider this also: I used to recap Living Lohan, people. I know the wages of human ugliness, and I dare say that, in this battle, Ronnie leaves me feeling ickier than Dina Lohan. Now them's fightin' words.

While everyone continues to reel from the melee, Snooki checks in on The Situation, who is quietly laid out on the couch with an ice pack on his head. She urges him to go to the hospital after his run-in with the concrete wall. JWOWW calls the ambulance, and they wheel Sitch out on a stretcher. JWOWW cries, "I don't want him to die!" It seems like a bit of stretch, but then again, if you've been living with The Situation 24/7 for the better part of the last three years, and he suddenly goes silent, that could be a very scary thing indeed.

She pulls herself to go see about Ronnie, who is still fuming in a violent rage. Downstairs, Sammi continues to show what a thick-headed jerk she is by getting angry with JWOWW for trying to talk to Ronnie. Sammi thinks she's the only one who can calm him down. Despite years of empirical, recorded proof to the contrary. She marches upstairs, where Ronnie warmly greets her and apologizes for being such a horrible beast of a person. Oh wait, that's not what happened at all. He bellowed at her to "Get the fuck out!" JWOWW tearfully begs her to walk away and leave Ronnie alone, but Sammi has to get a few more words in about how Ronnie should accept that she fucked up and move on. Then she walks away, screaming, "I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you putting me in this position! I didn't do shit to you!" Productive.

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Jersey Shore

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