Jersey Shore
And the Wall Won

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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Buttheads and Head Butts

The ladies head home, where JWOWW invites everyone to get naked and spray tan each other. Do they write lines like these to perpetuate frat boy fantasies, or what? Meanwhile, Snooki takes aside Sitch to affirm that, despite all the bullshit he spread about her cheating on Jionni with him, she still realized how much she loves him as a friend when she thought he might be gravely hurt. Sitch goes to put his brace on, hoping maybe that he'll get a motorboat out of Snooki's sympathy. Instead, she teases him that he should wear it out so girls will fawn over him. Then the editors Frankenstein a quote together. Part one (I'm paraphrasing): "Snooki and I made up with each other." Part two: "I don't think Nicole and Jionni are meant for each other." Not smooth at all, editors. You can do better!

Back out, Pauly and Vinny are exercising excellent judgment as they encourage Ronnie to bring home a girl that he's macking on. Vinny thinks he looks scared of Sammi but doesn't understand how he could go two whole months without getting it in. Somehow, between a multitude of shots and the girl in question inviting Ronnie back home with her, Ronnie realizes he doesn't want none of that granata action. Nor does he want to hook up with a girl just to piss Sammi off. He excuses himself to buy roses for Sammi and make amends... "and show her, 'You're the asshole. I'm not the asshole.'" Ohhhhhh! So close!

He arrives home, where Sammi is flipping out that he's going to have a girl on his arm. She literally runs away when she sees the door open. He tracks her down and presents her with the flowers. She juts out her pouty lips and asks, "Are those for somebody else?" (Well, it wouldn't be the first time...) He says they're meant to show that he's moving on and will be happy either way. Since when did red roses communicate "moving on"? Sammi immediately asks if he brought home another girl. He reacts with sarcasm and anger instead of honesty, which serves absolutely no purpose. Sammi admits she's confused. They sit out on the smoking couch and have a passive-aggressive conversation that amounts to nothing. Ronnie decides to pull a Sammi and take the damn flowers back. Sammi pulls a double-reverse Sammi and pulls the flowers from the trash can. And nobody knows what anybody wants, means, or needs. At least The Situation has drugs to credit for his fuckery at this moment. What can these guys blame?

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Jersey Shore

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