Meanwhile, Deena and Snooki are both DTF. They find themselves guys. While Deena stumbles around the floor in a mating dance, Snooki brings her fellow back to the house to seduce him by making grilled cheese. They soon enough head up to the Communal Smush Room, where she deems "whiskey dick... the best" because "it's when a guy can't have sex for, like, five hours because he's so drunk." Ahhhh, romance!
Back at da club, Sammi chats with a couple of guy friends. Ronnie naturally takes this as an excuse to mindfuck her about what a horrible girlfriend she is. Even as she is realizing what a d-bag he is, he lets her stumble drunkenly through the streets of Seaside by herself. You know, like an honorable gentleman.
Happily, no one is murdered or assaulted on this particular night, and we have a brief comic interlude where Roger attempts to call in a sick day at work, only to be interrupted by an inebriated JWOWW screaming, "It's Jenni!!!!!" in the middle of the message, then joking about chopping off his balls now that she's his official girlfriend. As you do. She later jokes that she might have to be his sugar mama from now on since he might be unemployed.
All the while, Ronnie goes up to bed alone, still angry with Sammi for... um... I honestly have no idea. He insists he's been "nothing but good" to her (direct quote, no irony) and calls her a stubborn bitch. The girls wonder why the two of them are fighting while the guys, The Situation in particular, lick their chops and wait for the spectacle to begin. Ronnie continues to scream at Sammi about what a good-for-nothing girlfriend she has been (as per usual). As they agree that they are each other's biggest regret, the screaming gets so bad on both sides that even those who are smushing stop mid-thrust to check out what's going on. Just before Deena makes peace by making him drunken grilled cheese, Vinny echoes the unhappy couple in saying he's done with all of this chaos.
The next day, hangover shame sets in as the booty calls head out of the house. For her part, JWOWW is embarrassed about her drunk dialing but happy to be Roger's girlfriend. On the heels of that happy thought, we get one last gratuitous caca reference of the season as JWOWW's dog shits all over the carpet at the house. Sitch compares the carpet to SamRo 2.0's relationship.
Upstairs, Ronnie tells Sammi that the night before (and all the nights before it) are "not okay." They head outside to talk about it. She once again takes the blame, assuring him she loves him and that he's her best friend. He once again insists that she doesn't show him her love. Question, Ronnie: What is showing one's love for another person? Motorboating another girl in a night club? Hitting it with other ladies, then coming home to spoon and/or screw your significant other? Regardless of those answers, Ronnie gives Sammi the full court press of guilt about their relationship. She asks him if they're together or not, and he says he needs his space. She asks, "So this is over?" Ronnie: "Yeah."