Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
They Came, They Saw, They Smashed

That night, through some sort of masochistic suicide pact, the roommates nominate Snooki to cook dinner. She chooses that Old World Italian classic, tacos. While she prepares the meal, Sitch heads out toward the hot tub and stirs up trouble by being openly hostile with Ronnie for what seems like no reason. Sammi carries that energy right back into the kitchen and decides to "help" Snooki cook by being a raging hag as she smashes up pounds and pounds of ground meat. Snooki and JWOWW take their frustrations outside, recognizing that Sammi is such a wench because she has no friends.

Eventually, the dinner that will do them all in gets made. Pauly marvels at the reality of this great experiment that brought them all together. Sitch says he wants to give all the roommates "trophies," which is code for being a passive-aggressive prick. Lots of awkward glares and silence as he asks the roommates to nominate the person they think did the least in the house. To her credit, Sammi basically tells him to come out with it and say her name. He admits she's in the running, then tries to make light of his failed attempt at sarcasm by telling everyone to chill out. Ronnie's the only one to break up the tension by saying he can't look in Sitch's direction because Vinny's tan is blinding him. With that unnecessarily tense final supper behind them, everyone clears up, parts ways, and agrees that Sitch is an asshat.

Before da club, Snooki and JWOWW take a shot to bridge them from the dinner of nightmares to the night... well, probably also of nightmares. The gang convenes in the common room (not to be confused with the Communal Smush Room, though equally as dirty) to appraise their experience in Miami. Vinny suggests they put a bunch of superlatives in a bowl ("Most Likely to Succeed," for example). Pauly asks how to spell "likely." Oh dear... They determine that Snooki is the life of the party. Pauly, who nominates himself, is most likely to get skin cancer, edging out the competition because he has a home tanning bed. When the designation "Most Likely to Be a Follower" comes up, Sitch pipes up to nominate Vinny, basically implying that Vinny weaseled his way into his friendship with Pauly. Ronnie laughs that Sitch just made an ass of himself by admitting that he was robbed of his best friend. Plus "MP" and "PM" just don't have the same multifaceted ring as MVP, now do they? Vinny calls out Sitch for being a cock, and it devolves into a petty argument over whether spray tanning has a rightful place in GTL. These are the big issues, people.

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Jersey Shore




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