Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!

Apropos of that, we cut to JWOWW's house in as she finishes packing. The WOWW is happy to have a break from her long-term boyfriend Tommy, because they've been fighting recently. She gets in the car and says she's happy to be getting away from her "Long Island problems," by which she means Tommy. So we're off to another great start for JWOWW and the insinuation she's a cheater. Hopefully she gets some more face time with Pauly's Prince Albert this season. Or some ham and water. I'd take either, as long as Angelina is never heard from again.

Back in the other girls' car, Snooki tells Deena about the guys. She says that Pauly's adorable, and Deena will probably have sex with him. But it might be The Situation that Deena wants to smash with. After Snooki describes Sitch as sweet, Deena deems him sexy. Snooki tells Deena that Vinny is a sweetheart but resists the urge to say, "Back off, bitch." I guess she figures Deena knows better than to go after her sloppy seconds like Ol' Trash Bags Pivarnick.

Up north a bit, Pauly packs his Apocalypse-size stock of hair spray and hair gel as he bids farewell to Providence, Rhode Island. His mom awesomely tells him to be careful in the hot tub, but Pauly tells her they have rules, such as "Clean the hot tub" and "Don't go in the hot tub after The Situation bust a nut up in there." Pauly's mom, who looks like a skinny version of Janice from The Sopranos, wisely decides not to go there. Good thinking, Parvati Delvecchio!

Speak of the horny devil, we find Sitch down in Manalapan, New Jersey. He's excited to return to the OG family house. As is Vinny over in Staten Island, as he proudly displays the new shower caddy he bought so people wouldn't be all up in his toiletries and shit. At least he knows no one will leave a dirty maxi pad in there this year.

Back in the car, Snooki runs over who else will be at the house that she hasn't mentioned. She gets to SamRo 2.0 and gives a dismissive, "Oh... pffft." She interviews that she used to love Ronnie, but Sammi fucked everything up. Still, she'd take back the whole affair of the letter if she could.

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Jersey Shore




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