Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Deena-mite!

Then we join Ronnie on his way from the Bronx to pick up Sammi in Hazlet, New Jersey. He says they're stronger than ever since Miami. She says they're taking things day by day and hopes that he'll never traumatize her again by cheating on her with lots of ugly bitches while she cries herself to sleep in a dirty bed. Sounds like a great midpoint for any relationship, right?

Somewhere near the Shore, Snooki and Deena devise their plan of attack: They'll set up camp at the usual spots like Karma, Bamboo, Headliners, etc. Deena says she can't wait to go "man shopping" and especially likes fauxhawks. Snooki mentions that Ronnie has one and laughs about the calamities that would ensue if Ronnie were stolen away from Sammi by the New Girl, especially since Ronnie working philosophy towards relationships is "Drunk = Single."

Elsewhere, Vinny, Pauly and SamRo 2.0 all express their bland excitement about going back to Guido Mecca. Sammi and Ronnie roll up to the house. Ronnie declares, "I can smell the fake tans and the hair gel already." Ahhhh, the smell of summer! They arrive first, happy to get first dibs on rooms, and greet their old friend the Duck Phone. Sammi and Ronnie pick the best room in the house, which is the three-bed room upstairs. Sammi assures us that it won't be awkward for whoever has the displeasure of being the third wheel in that room. Hopefully the inhabitant contracts a horribly contagious skin disease early in the show and gets to leave, but only if they also get a chance to pass it on to SamRo 2.0 first.

They wait for the next person to arrive, and lo and behold, it's JWOWW. Like the poet she is, Sammi says, "I hope she shits herself when she sees me." As if it will be some sort of massive surprise. Or as if JWOWW even gives a flying flip about Sammi's lame, low self-esteemed comings and goings. JWOWW plods up the stairs, sees Sammi, gives a FML grunt, and walks back downstairs immediately. We see footage of the epic chick fight between the two of them, and JWOWW interviews that she has no intention of patching up her relationship with Tweedle Ditz and Tweedle Douche. As JWOWW walks back down muttering something about Sammi and Ronnie getting an incurable disease, Sammi blows a bitchy kiss at JWOWW's receding shadow, pleased as a punch in the face with herself for being such an insufferable hag. Remember how we used to feel sorry for her about how badly Ronnie treated her? Yeah, me neither.

Vinny arrives next, and JWOWW updates him on Ronnie and Sammi's dick move. He begrudgingly settles for another room. Next into the house is Pauly, who also thinks Ronnie and Sammi pulled some bullshit by forcing some unlucky schmuck (The Situation, hopefully!) to stay in the room with them. Then they all make fun of Vinny's shower caddy for several minutes.

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Jersey Shore

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