Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!

Deena proposes a toast to a fun summer, which Sammi refuses to join in. Deena thanks the gang for being welcoming to her. Vinny notes pointedly that if you give respect in the house, you'll get it back. Deena forebodingly says she has no problem responding in turn if someone treats her shabbily, saying, "It's like, if you can't take the heat, get the fuck out of the kitchen." And that'd be Sammi's cue to literally walk out of the kitchen. Sometimes they're so stupid, they're brilliant, these ones. The girls have a silent snicker at what a jackwad Sammi is, and Snooki says nonchalantly, "Well all right..."

Soon enough, it's pre-game time. Everyone -- except SamRo 2.0 -- heads upstairs for a game of flip cup. JWOWW says it's typical and proclaims those two dead to her. Downstairs, Ronnie and Sammi are having a riveting time lying around like lumps on logs and hating everyone else. Yeah, totally not as exciting as the screaming, cheering game going on upstairs. Sammi tries to create her own party -- a pity party, by telling Ronnie all "woe is me" that he doesn't know what she's going through. He rightly tells her that's bullshit, considering he's not hanging out with his friends in order to mope around with her. She continues sighing and feeling like her life is cursed. She actually gets paid to do this, y'all. That ain't right.

Back on the roof, Snooki is irritated with Vinny because she worries he wants to get with Deena instead of her. In an interview, she vows to cut all ties with Vinny if he hooks up with Deena. Back in the hot tub, Vinny notices her sour mug and asks what's wrong. She slurs that he wants Deena's vagina, and he sinks into the water with a mischievous look on his face. It seems there's more than drunken paranoia behind this accusation when Snooki explains that there's more to the story because a couple of weeks before filming, she walked in on Vinny having sex with her friend Ryder. Not a violation of bro code, but definitely a violation of girl code. Boo, Ryder! Boo, Vinny! Vinny claims he didn't think anything was wrong with it, but Snooki can't hold back her anger. Deena tries to make a swift exit even as Vinny awkwardly asks her, "So what's it like being a dental assistant?"

Deena departs, and Snooki tells Vinny he doesn't realize how much she cares for him, and he issues a half-hearted apology. She makes a move toward him, hoping to seal his apology with a kiss, but he shuts her down. Basically, he's afraid that hooking up with her won't be hooking up anymore, it'll be a relationship, and he'll be accountable to her and her feelings. God forbid! Then again, with Ronnie and Sammi as the template, I'd be gun-shy, too. He tries to hug her, but Snooki is pissed that Vinny will hook up with grenades and not her. She tells him never to look at her or make a move on her ever again. She waddles off, and JWOWW angrily tells Vinny to "stick it in one of the jet holes and go to bed."

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Jersey Shore




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