Jersey Shore
Blues, Balls, & Brawls

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Something Finally Happens

Snooki tells everyone that her kid's name is going to be Lorenzo Lucious Lavell, so three Ls. Everyone makes fun. But that was just a teaser between commercials, because after that tiny scene, we're back with a condom commercial. At least it's appropriate advertising for this show.

Vinny and Pauly are all into their new hangout. They like to kick it on Snooki's porch. She wakes up and wonders why they're here. They're just home on a break from the bar crawl, which everyone is on. Snooki's mad that everyone's having a bar crawl now that she's pregnant. She wants to hang out with them, but can't take the risk because they're going to Bamboo, where fights always happen. She reminds us that Sam got jumped there last year. Everyone makes their way home from the bar crawl to, I guess, get ready for Bamboo. Deena can barely fit her giant blue ball through the door, and everyone is wasted. Pauly predicts they'll carry Deena home since she's already drunk. Jenni asks if they're going out now and Roger's like, "Yeah. The sooner we go out, the sooner we can come back and not have sex." Burn! Everyone pretties up and heads out.

Bamboo. Everyone's hanging out having fun, when some random guy walks up to Mike and says he knows him and they hung out. Mike says he probably wasn't sober, and he doesn't remember it. The guy follows Mike around and says they're friends on Facebook. Mike says he has five million Facebook friends, but the guy keeps on pushing and pushing. Finally, Pauly steps in and tells him to let them chill. Then one of Pauly's friends jumps in and says he's angry now and will fuck these people up. Mike interviews that now he has his own stalker. And it's a dude. Stalker dude approaches the friend who's angry and looking for a fight, and says that he went to high school with Mike. CREEPER. Angry friend doesn't care, because he was making Mike uncomfortable. Roger asks him to just take a walk, and then Angry Friend tells him that he asked him four times to take a walk. He asks Roger to hold his water, and Stalker Dude tells him if he was to fight him one on one, he'd kick his fucking ass. Angry Friend says you know who he's not going to beat up? Him. They get really close to each other like they're going to make out, and Stalker Dude says Angry Friend doesn't have balls, man. Then Angry Friend grabs Stalker Dude and throws him. Roger just looks like, "Well, here we go." And... finally an actually somewhat suspenseful commercial break. Good job building to something, MTV. It only took FOUR HOURS. That said, I'm not sure this guy wasn't paid by MTV to instigate. But at least it's something.

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Jersey Shore

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