Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
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Breaking Plates & Broken Records

The tone of the evening shifts when Angelina gets the question "Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend or boyfriend?" Ronnie admits that he has and that everyone's cheated in the past. Says the cheater. The Situation says that even Sammi's not dumb enough to let Ronnie's roaming ways escape her notice. He says the same to Ronnie's face when the guys all go outside. Ronnie laughs it off. Sitch says Ronnie has changed since meeting Sammi. He used to be young and in love, now he wants his freedom and his "cookie" (Sammi). Then he adds, grossly, "I'm eatin' chocolate cookies every night, dawg!"

Ronnie heads back inside and asks Sammi to come to bed with him. She doesn't give a firm answer, meaning she totally will. Dear God, Have I died and gone to purgatory? Is Hell a continuous loop of Jersey Shore with only scenes featuring Sammi, Ronnie, and Angelina? Some days I feel that way.

The next day, the guys get their GTL on. Quoth Sitch: "So you need to be on your tip-top game, with your GTL, to stay FTD, to get the girls to DTF in MIA. Say that five times." Quoth Lady Lola: "WTF?"

That night, JWOWW, Snooki, and Angelina talk about Sammi as they walk to dinner. JWOWW brings it home, asking Snooki if she'd be mad were the tables turned and Sammi kept quiet about Emilio cheating. Snooki waffles, so JWOWW spells out the laundry list of Ronnie's triple-make outs, motor boating, and number scamming exploits. She suggests that the three of them go to an internet cafe and write an anonymous letter. She proclaims the idea (that she came up with) genius and warns the other girls that they must take the knowledge of this secret epistle to their grave -- no matter how drunk they get. I love how that's an immediate condition that she doesn't need any time to add onto the plan. Snooki predicts that the shit is going to hit the fan, but the ladies think they're justified since Ronnie is lying about being in love with Sammi. Angelina secretly admits she thinks Sammi will take Ronnie back even after she knows the truth. Then the old gas bag farts. Seriously. I just spent 15 seconds of my life watching Snooki and JWOWW react to Angelina's stank fart.

Despite their fierce reserve, the ladies put off the letter writing for the night. Instead, they go back to the house and have a particularly strong batch of Ron Ron Juice. Pauly wonders who's going to be on Ronnie Watch that night. Ironically, suspicious Sammi is the first to be all, "Not it!" The two of them exchange barbs about Ronnie picking up grenades, which seems like a strange conversation to be having with your boyfriend. "Honey, it's so funny when you bang fat, ugly chicks!" "I know, sweetie, but sometimes it's slim pickin's at the club. Hahahahahaha!" Vom. Witness: Even Snooki is shaking her head. When an Oompa Loompa is looking at you askance, you need to check it.

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Jersey Shore

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