Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
Breaking Plates & Broken Records

The nonsense fight carries over to da club. They have the "It's not working" conversation with bass beats thumping behind them. Ronnie insists he's not an asshole or a dick, then practically in the next breath says that Sammi is the only reason the relationship isn't working. Not all the cheating and lying, huh? Sammi tries to threaten him with how special and wonderful she is by saying he'll never find someone like her. The only flaw in that argument is that he does find someone like her just about every night of the week. Only most of the tricks he bags at the club probably have higher self-esteem.

After Ronnie walks away, Snooki and JWOWW head over to check on Sammi. Sammi is all, "I don't want to be with that. I'm done." At this point she might as well be saying, "Saucer bouffant violin banana" because that's how meaningless and irrelevant her words are. He already made the decision, honey. You have no power and haven't for longer than you'll ever realize. Witness: A little later everyone leaves Ronnie behind to check out the next place. And who is the only person to wonder where Ronnie is? Sammi. She insists she has to make an effort, you know, since he's been so good at that. JWOWW gets pretty adamant that Sammi should stop making an ass of herself. Instead of listening, she follows Ronnie to a cab, where he locks her out and leaves her in his tracks. For the one-millionth time she declares she's done. Or should I say, "Airplane lemonade cardigan flatiron bleep bloop"? Meaningless!

The girls rally and join the boys, sans Ronnie, at B.E.D. Oh, but then Ronnie shows up. Instead of showing him how much better and hotter she is than him by hitting it with as many other guys as possible, Sammi gets all bothered and basically waits for Ronnie to approach her to be a prick some more. Well, Sweetheart, ask and ye shall receive! Ronnie comes up to her with these sweet nothings: "I hate you so much because I love you, you realize that?" She realizes that maybe he's not playing with a full deck and still tries to engage him in thoughtful conversation. In da club. She doesn't even get a sentence out before he screams at her, "I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you!" And falls on her lap. All while shaking his hips. And then says, "I love you, baby." Eventually Sammi convinces Ronnie to go home. She interviews that she's never seen someone so wasted, then -- in real time -- sets a bucket next to his bed. He's snoring before it hits the ground.

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Jersey Shore




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