Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
Breaking Plates & Broken Records

Snooki and JWOWW head home shortly after. Sammi asks the girls what she should do. They slurrily tell her to take care of Ronnie and insist they won't be in the middle of this mess any more. They sneak away to the confessional where JWOWW trumpets that the anonymous letter is coming soon. Sammi eventually settles into bed, leaving Ronnie to fend for himself and land many late-night pratfalls.

Ronnie wakes up on the floor the next morning, then rushes to the bathroom to projectile vomit Ron Ron Juice all up in this joint. With wretch still on his breath, he heads over to the couch to cuddle with Sammi. He is completely ungrateful that she took care of him, and furthermore insists like a real assbag that she started their fight. Then he's all, "But I still love you, baby." Of course she reciprocates. She's happier with Ronnie than without, she says. Real-world translation: "Fiddle dee dee fiddle dee do. Hamstring biology peppercorn!"

Over at the gelato shop, Pauly and Vinny make all sorts of idiotic innuendos while picking up underagers and butterfaces. Elsewhere, the girls are also up to no good. JWOWW drags Snooki by the pouf to the cybercafé so they can draft their damning, misspelled Ronsposé.

All these antics leave Sammi high and dry, so she falls back to her last resort -- hanging out with Angelina. She gets all mafiosa, threatening to cut Angelina off is she doesn't cop to anything and everything she knows about Ronnie's misdeeds. She says the same goes for Snooki and JWOWW. Angelina surprisingly doesn't jump at the chance to sell out the other girls, claiming she doesn't want to be the house's token shit-starter. She plays dumb yet again, lying that she'll be sure to tell Sammi if anything happens "in the future." Sammi desperately asks for confirmation that Angelina will tell narc on Ronnie. Angelina says she will, now that they're "friends." That's rich. Sammi credits Angelina for being so honest and real, saying she is sure to feel betrayed if (when) she finds anything out.

Meanwhile, Snooki and JWOWW smugly leave the Internet cafe, proclaiming their mission has been accomplished. Or at least it will be once they slip the "anonymous" letter into Sammi's drawer. You mean they weren't even smart enough to open a fake e-mail account and send it to her online? They're actually going to put it in the house where it will be painfully obvious that there are only seven possible senders? For the love, you guys! This is like watching penguins playing basketball. The level of ineptitude is astonishing.

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Jersey Shore




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