Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
Breaking Plates & Broken Records

While Ronnie, Pauly, and The Situation visit 24-hour laundry services, everyone else reconvenes at home. Sammi wakes Vinny from a peaceful slumber, and JWOWW takes the opportunity to fill Angelina in on the Operation: Lame-Ass Letter. After spending the entire evening lying her tits off, Angelina acts like she's above all this petty drama and complains the others are trying to pull her back in, Godfather-style. Oh get off your high horse, Don Whoreleone. Eventually she gets to the rub of things, admitting she doesn't want to get involved because it'll make her look bad. Snooki tells her that she is involved whether she likes it or not. She interviews that she doesn't trust Angelina. Angelina carries on, saying that everyone in the house is in a tough position, but Snooki and JWOWW especially so since they're Sammi's best friends. As an aside, I think it's a testament to how feeble Angelina's mind games are that Sammi is the only person in the house she can fool. I mean, Sammi has literally heard concrete facts about Ronnie's cheating, not to mention been called every name in the book by the man who supposedly loves her, and yet she keeps going back like a bruised puppy. She's a weak moron is what I'm saying. So I'm not sure why Angelina thinks she's got everyone fooled. No one but Sammi is buying whatever jacked-up brand of snake oil she's selling.

But I digress... JWOWW maintains that Angelina won't sell them out because she's under imminent threat of bodily harm from The WOWW and her Tits of Steel. And yet here's the kicker -- Snooki says that, if she sees one more tear fall from Sammi's eyes, she'll "send" the letter. After all that, they still aren't totally convinced about executing their bird-brained scheme! I think someone could literally fly out the front windshield of a car 48 times, and they'd still say, "If that happens one more time, I'm buckling up my seat belt!" In light of this fuckery, I'm announcing my self-appointment to the post of President of the FFSF, a.k.a. the For Fuck's Sake Foundation.

Next week: The letter has landed! The letter has landed! Mike and Pauly double-up on chicks. Snooki reads Emilio the riot act.

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Jersey Shore




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