Jersey Shore
Ciao, Italia

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D+ | Grade It Now!
Same Shit, Different Country

The next morning, JWOWW wakes up after 21 hours of slumber feeling refreshed and recovered. As a last rite, the kids each take a piece of clothing to the pizzeria so Marco can hang it up on the clothes line in the shop. As you would expect, Deena decides to give him a hot pink thong. Ronnie: "I didn't even know Deena wore underwear to be honest with you." At least it'll be clean then! They head into the pizzeria, where Deena presents her mutandine. Pauly asks, "Come se dice skid marks?" Apparently it's skid marchi -- easy enough for a Meatball to remember! Marco begins the hanging of the clothing. All the guys played it safe with T-shirts while JWOWW brought one of her shredded "boobie shirts," Snooki sacrificed an animal print bra, and Sammi handed over some hot pink short shorts. I'm pretty sure that pizzeria just lost its license on health code violations. As the kids bid their sad goodbyes, Snooki breaks up some of the sentiment by munching on one of Marco's balls (of mozzarella).

They usher in their return to America with a proper Jersey barbecue and dreamsome discussions about their first trip to the tanning salon back in Jersey. Dinner winds down, and the girls offer to clean up for once. It is occasion for these gems: Snooki -- "I'm gonna put this hot dog up my [unclear but definitely something cuca-related] 'cause I'm so horny." Vinny -- "Seeing Nicole cleaning is like seeing Mike with a condom. It just doesn't happen." And, I've officially thrown up for the third time this episode. And it wouldn't be a complete day if Deena didn't have a faceplant, so down she goes.

As one last nod to the foreign surroundings, they decide to do a perfunctory round of sightseeing to make up for the months they skipped because they were too busy sleeping all day long and getting wasted all night long. Vinny calls a tour service. The guide naively asks whether they like art or history more. Vinny asks the roommates, who literally laugh in his face. He asks, "Maybe a little of both?" Pauly: "This tour guide doesn't have any idea what he's getting himself into."

The next day, before the tour, Sitch starts singing his swan song. He reclines on the chaise longue and puffs away at his cigarette as he manipulatively says his (bullshit) goodbyes to his roommates, starting with Snooki. "If Mike weren't in New Jersey, it wouldn't break my heart," she says coldly. "He pretty much fucked himself." Dispirited by her indifference, Sitch realizes he's turned a corner with his roommates and claims grandly that they won't "be able to take advantage of The Situation anymore." And by "take advantage" to you mean "put up with"?

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Jersey Shore




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