At the club, some cute girl is hitting on Mike, and he's hitting right back on her, so Ron keeps calling him a "sneaky dickens." Does that mean something? Ronnie tells us that he's doing everything he's not supposed to do. Then he's talking to another girl, and Jenni interrupts and tells the girl he has a girlfriend. Mike tells us that technically he's not cheating, and that he's being a very good boyfriend right now. Then we see him hitting on a couple other girls and sucking on one girl's finger. Ew. Also, can someone tell this guy what a girlfriend is?
Ron and Sam and Jenni and Roger get home. Jenni hugs Deena, happy she's home in bed, then crawls in bed with Roger. MVP walk home with V's and P's two girls. Mike tells them all that he's been good to Paula, but Pauly thinks she's going to find out what happened. Vinny and Pauly take their girls to bed and Vinny teaches us his definition of irony: He finally brought a girl home to break his celibacy (what's it been? Two weeks?), and she won't kiss him or do anything else. What happened to the girl back home he was saving himself for?
Next morning, MVP head out to get a bunch of groceries and then make food for a family picnic. (Does MTV require these "family" meals to keep Snooki around?) Anyway, they're having hot dogs, so they all make penis jokes. Then they discuss the previous night: Mike says he did nothing wrong because he didn't bring a girl home, but all the girls confirm that you cannot grind on another girl when you're in a relationship. Ronnie tells him you can't even think about another girl when jerking off, or they'll know. Mike is flabbergasted. He interviews to the camera, "So you're telling me that grinding on other chicks at the club... is a bad thing?!" Shocker! (Foreshadowing.) He tells them he cares about Paula a lot, but almost says "love," which Jenni calls him on and he admits. She asks if he loves her and he says, "I care about her a very lot."
The house sort of has an unplanned intervention for Deena. Sam tells her how annoying it is that she gets like that all the time, and loses control of her emotions. Deena says she lost her partner in crime (Snooki) and it's a lot for her too. Sam says it's just too much because it's every night. Deena tells Sam that she's always been there for her and Sam says she'll still be there for her, too. Pauly basically calls out how awkward it is and Snooki giggles. Most of the gang breaks up, leaving Deena and Sam to argue more. Sam tells Deena she's different with a boyfriend -- that she's happier, but also less happy because she's depressed being away from him. Sam says she's not being mean: She loves Deena and loves her in a relationship. She says Deena's always there for her, and she wants to be there for her too. She tells Deena they all like Chris, but think Deena's blowing the relationship by making it look harder than it is. Deena says that pisses her off. Sam also tells Deena she has only-child syndrome, because she never asks how anyone else is doing. Deena says it makes her feel like not talking anymore. Sam says she's glad she got that off her chest and they go to bed. Deena would like to let it die already, because she can't keep hearing these digs. That's not a friend. At all. No, duh. A friend is the person who will get drunk with you in the middle of the day and dance and show her cooka with you. Until she gets pregnant, leaving you without a friend. Life is hard when you're paid to get drunk.