Back at the club, Mike has left Paula. He says she has no idea where he is, but Jenni tells us that she thinks Paula knows but is trying not to be the clingy girlfriend. Jenni thinks this is a good thing, to let the boys do their thing, "But keep an eye; always keep an eye." An old lady comes and starts dancing with the girls." Deena Jersey Turnpikes with her, which you'd think is weird, but then the old lady does a headstand and other dance moves. Deena admits she just put her to shame. They all hug and tell her how awesome she is.
End of the night. The gang all heads home, and Mike goes upstairs to shower. Sam asks Paula if she's wearing ass pads, and Paula admits she is. Then she whips them out, and Vinny plays with them (wears them in his pants, then on his head). Paula tells them what every crazy sexual position is: "the dolphin," "the Superman." Ron interviews that Mike would be so embarrassed because the stuff that comes out of this girl's mouth puts Ron to shame. Mike comes down and Pauly tells him that while he was in the shower, Paula showed them her ass pads, and Vinny put them on. Mike grabs them and pretends it's awesome, but she takes them back from him. Mike interviews his girlfriend is acting like one of the guys, and he is not going to "bleep" her if she acts like one of the guys. Then they tell Mike she told them about the Superman and she asks them not to scare him, because he'll think she's done that stuff. Sure enough, Mike interviews that it sounds like she knows a little bit too much. Then she demonstrates something called carpet surfing and Vinny plays along. Mike says he doesn't know what to do other than chalk it up. He heads upstairs and she follows him. They all talk downstairs about how much he hates her and how embarrassed he is by every word out of her mouth. Pauly says he never should have given her that title in the first place. Upstairs, they're snuggling, but he doesn't look very comfortable.
Next week: Mike might break up with Paula. Ron's annoyed that Jionni's the only boyfriend never around and his girl is pregnant (I think this is an exaggeration, and maybe he has a job?). And Snooki says Mike won't be invited to the wedding. "He doesn't exist." Seems fun.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, liked Paula more in smaller doses. You can contact her at email@example.com.
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