Back in Florence, Snooki calls Jionni again. He asks her for explicit details about what happened with Vinny. She interviews that she suspect they tried to have sex, but it "just didn't work." Clearly this is a fabrication of which she has convinced herself. Whatever you need to get through the day, hon. As the girls listen across the room, Snooki tells Jionni "He [bleep] me, that's all." I suspect the term she used was "finger banged," but that's merely an educated guess. Jionni says she couldn't possibly care about him to do such a thing, but she insists he's all she thinks about and apologizes tearfully. He says he'll give her another chance before hanging up. Snooki practically gets down on her knees -- but not for the reason you think, ya pervs! She wants to thank "Jesus fuckin' Christ." She tells JWOWW the good news, screaming, "I'm in love, like what the fuck?!"
The guys arrive home, and -- having successfully pulled the wool over Jionni's eyes -- she decides to get to the bottom, so to speak, of what happened with Vinny. So she asks him on camera. Again, these kids are not the smartest. So she asks Vinny and, frankly, he's embarrassed that he has to speak these things to her. As they walk to the smoking patio, he describes their smushery as "a glitch in The Matrix," but then everything returned to normal. By the time they get to the patio, he's moved past his embarrassment and realized he has a prime opportunity to embarrass her. He absolutely delights in telling her that she begged, "Fuck me, I'm horny." She insists they were just cuddling. Vinny: "My balls cuddling with your cuca." Snooki realizes she has to tell Jionni, though maintains her innocence about lying before: "I really honestly thought we didn't have sex. I mean, I blacked out a little bit. Whattayagonnado?"
So off Snooki goes to make that fateful call. She puts on her best pink sequined baseball cap for the occasion. Jionni picks up. She tells him "something more happened" then struggles to speak the truth. She finally says, "We had sex." Silence.
Next week: Deena and The Situation are both clearly sexually frustrated. She responds by coming on to Pauly (unsuccessfully). He responds by starting fights in clubs. Ronnie: "If Mike gets into a fight, I'm not gonna jump in." You're in fine company, my man.