Jersey Shore
Damage Is Done

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Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
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About Last Night...

At the cafe, JWOWW and Snooki share a peck as Snooki thanks The WOWW for waking up and bonding with her. If I were JWOWW I'd be washing those lips post-haste in light of current make out sessions, revenge sex encounters and -- not least of -- which accusations from The Situation. Instead, she cuddles up against Snooki, who asks the barkeep, "Come se dice 'mimosa'?" Well, Snickers, I suspect the word is... mimosa. Either way, she gets her point across, and it's time for some 8:00 AM drankin'. Snooki feels bad because she thinks of Vinny as a friend now and didn't mean to hook up with Vinny. She says she must not have had sex with him because she doesn't remember it. Solid logic from the tiny drunk! Snooki sucks down the last of her drink and declares, "I love mimosas." JWOWW: "I love sleep." And scene.

Back at the house, Sitch declares it's going to be a day of GTD (gym, tan, drama). He plans to smoke out "the rat" in the house, which is a nonsense endeavor since JWOWW clearly told him she was going to tell Snooki what he said. Whatever, it's his wheels spinning, not mine. He decides to go about his foolhardy mission by starting a rumor in the house and seeing who brings it back to him. He tells Ronnie he gave Unit Jionni's number (lie) and waits for the madness to unfold.

So of course Sammi happened to walk by when Sitch was promulgating his lies, and she immediately goes to Deena. Minutes later, Deena is in the common room talking to Sitch, who sticks to his story. Sammi thinks this move is messed up and says so to Sitchy's face. She leaves, directly telling Sitch that she's going to report what he said to Snooki (just as JWOWW did)... and I'm a little confused as to how this is going to out any sort of a rat. Everyone has been 100 percent open about things (ironically, except The Situation) all along, and I'm pretty sure JWOWW would admit to being "the rat" (or whatever you want to call it) if asked. So basically Sitch just wants to stir shit up -- and his devilish laughter after Sammi leaves confirms as much. Of course, stirring shit up is basically his M.O., so it's not surprising at all, but still fairly irritating in this particular context. For his part, Ronnie's all, "I don't care. I'm staying out of this shit." Good idea.

Elsewhere, the title card reads "MISCHIEF" as Snooki and JWOWW run through the streets. Snooki makes a disclaimer, "When people function this early in the morning, this isn't real life to me. I feel like it's a video game." Then she does a cartwheel in the streets and squeals when her panties are exposed. Dude, you're wearing a skirt. It's called gravity. She sees a nun and runs after her screaming, "Ciao!" JWOWW: "She is scared shitless of you." They go into a store and Snooki tells the owner she wants to buy a bottle of Chianti off the shelf that is possibly as big as her. We're talking at least a Balthazar here, maybe even a Solomon. And she actually buys the damn thing! Like that, she bags it up and rolls it through the streets jutting out of her laundry suitcase. Naturally, her suitcase flips over, and the bottle is broken within yards of the restaurant. I think that's called existentialism. All she can do is survey the fallen soldier, writhing with shrieks, then ask, "Come se dice, 'This fucking sucks balls!'?" According to Google, it's "Questa cazzo succhia i testicoli!"

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Jersey Shore

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