Jersey Shore
Damage Is Done

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About Last Night...

Back home, Vinny calls him mom and tells her the guys are traveling to Sicily the next week to visit her family. Of course Pauly wants to know if there's a female cousin he can ravage. Say no, Mama Guadagnino! She does one better and hangs up! Awesome.

Snooki and JWOWW arrive home and head straight for their beds to have a pity slumber party. Out in the common room, Sitch tells Pauly and Vinny about his "brilliant" (Pauly's words) plan. Actually, it's the exact opposite of brilliant. Now that he's revealed his gambit to two key players, this is officially half-cocked, nonsense maneuver ever. Even for this show. And these are not people who think things through. Either way, Pauly readies himself for the spectacle -- as does Sammi, who declares to Ronnie and Deena, "It's gonna be a fuckin' show tonight."

They arrive home, and Sammi makes a beeline for Snooki. Upon hearing it, Snooki pops up and launches into the next room to attack Sitch like a Pomeranian on PCP. She starts throwing everything at (tiny) arm's reach, including a wine bottle that just misses him and shatters against a wall. Now that she's tampered with their booze, all the others are like, "Too far! Too far!" Pauly compliments Sitch's mongoose-like reflexes as the title card "EVIL PLAN" flashes across the screen. Sitch starts to come clean about his scheming, but Snooki cuts him off by unleashing a tornado of objects at him, screaming over and over, "I don't like you!" Vinny finally tells her it's a joke, to which she replies, "It's not fuckin' funny." Everyone is generally confused, which Sitch takes as validation that his plan worked and chastises them to stay out of his business. You mean the business you practically pushed them into? Okay. Just so we're clear. Also? He gets all riled up that Snooki didn't "talk to him first," but I'm pretty sure her first response upon hearing the rumor was to talk directly to him. Granted, it wasn't a civil conversation and mainly consisted of the whooshing of objects being thrown at him, but she didn't talk shit behind his back. At any rate, I'm still unclear what the goal of all this was. He claims he wanted to find a rat, but Sammi wasn't sneaky at all. She told him what she was going to do. Aren't rats supposed to be sneaky?

Still, after all this, Sitch approaches Snooki on the smoking porch and says innocently, "I didn't do anything!" No, Sitch. You did everything. Instead of embracing him and telling him she's seen the wisdom of his ways, she pushes him away and rages on him. Spurned, he whiplashes and says maybe he'll make that call anyway. While Snooki sobs out on the porch, Sitch sits in the common room smugging that he was in the right and all Snooki had to do was ask. Wrong and wrong. Vinny says, "It's just messed up because she cares about" Jionni. Pauly can't resist snarking, "It looked like she cared last night." Contrary to Snooki's claims, Pauly says he knows "what it sounds like" when Vinny gets it in (gross) and speculates that Vinny definitely got it in. Sitch claims his plan was "a necessary evil."

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Jersey Shore

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