Jersey Shore

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Five Minute Rule

Previously: Vinny finally got his shot with the girl that shot him down. The Situation got all sour grapes and cock blocked everyone because his attempts at highway robbery and sloppy seconds fell to pieces.

We return to da club, where everyone is having fun but Sitch. He tries to rally everyone to leave, but instead succeeds at alienating all of them. As they head home, Snooki is still reeling that Sitch smacked her earlier that night and still grumpy that Sitch "ruined" her night while friend Ryder is in town. They get home, and Vinny gives Ramona the grand tour of the house. Highlights: "This is the phone I waited three hours for you to call at" [sic, sic, sic] and his bedroom. That's some manipulation up in there, y'all. Of course it works as Ramona plops into his bed, and they start humping like wild dogs.

The next morning, Sitch recognizes the longstanding tension between him and Snooks but doesn't think she has any reason to be mad at him. Nonetheless, he hops into her bed (with a wad of twenties?) to apologize for being a jerk the night before. She begrudgingly accepts his apology, mainly because it's the only way for him to stop bestowing smoke-breath kisses upon her.

Meanwhile, Vinny escorts Ramona out on her walk of shame. He says she's everything he looks for in a girl and that he's "caught some feelings for her." Sammi is impressed that Vinny got his smash on. She asks him if he's in love, and he says he doesn't believe in that. Cut to Ronnie, with a damn smirk on his face. Gross.

Meanwhile, Snooki and Ryder lounge about in various locations throughout the house (sun deck, confessional, etc.) and regret that Ryder only has a few more hours left at the house. They share a ceremonial shot with JWOWW in honor of Ryder's departure, then shed some tears when it's time for Ryder to go. Snooki admits that the house is full of nut jobs. Really? Later, JWOWW comforts a homesick Snooki, who's still crying and considering leaving this batty experiment for good. JWOWW consoles her with offers to go tanning and eventually convinces her to stay, with Vinny's help, mainly because she knows that if Snooki leaves, she's fucked. Snooki tells Vinny he's like her big brother, and she loves him, then adds, "But usually you don't have sex with your big brother." Truth.

Elsewhere, Sitch and Pauly get their barbershop on. Sitch parks on the curb, and we devote a full 15 seconds to it. Then he hits a sign, proclaiming, "This is parking for The Situation only." Aren't you glad there's an entire episode left. A whole 'nother hour dedicated to these kids' antics! Keep me thrilled with these wild parking antics.

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Jersey Shore

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