Meanwhile, JWOWW tries to quell Snooki's depression by talking up a place called SPACE, which she claims is just like the New York club scene. Snooki says SPACE means "Guido juicehead gorillas, sex, tan, sweaty... boys. And house music." So Pauly orders up the cab, saying they're at the Metropole "like Stripper Pole" and telling the dispatcher that he loves her, too. And what time is it? Two times if you guessed T-shirt Tiiiiiiiiiiime! I think that's the secret to life, y'all. If you can get excited by putting on a damn T-shirt, then you've got it in the bag. Or, in JWOWW's case, a two-piece mesh go-go dancer costume. Even Snooki acknowledges that Ms. WOWW looks like "a fuckin' whore" and "the ultimate stripper." More power!
The kids hit da club, which is basically trash bag central. Also known as their scene. The only one who's not vibing on the scene is Snooki, who gets into an altercation with some "wannabe guidos" who are ready to stir up shit with her. Sitch intervenes. Many curse words are spat (mainly ones starting with the letter "F"). Eventually, the kids are ushered out of the club. A Jersey Shore first!
Kind of amazingly, Pauly manages to grab two DTF chicks as they're being strong-armed out of there. He puts up his chains like a gentleman while The Situation tosses his girl around like a cavewoman he's about to club. Eventually it comes out that Sitch's girl abstains from both drinking and hook-ups. He commits the ultimate wingman sin by trying to dismiss his girl from the room so he can get some sleep (a.k.a. jerk off while Pauly and his bitch get it in). Unsurprisingly, this turns off basically everyone in the room (save maybe the ghost of Angelina). Even Pauly is shocked at what a jackhole Sitch is being. The other girl doesn't take her relegation easily, calling Sitch and old man and effectively ending the DTF phase of the evening for all inhabitants of the house. Pauly is understandably pissed at his lackluster wingman. Then they both go to sleep alone. Which is awesome in its own way.
The next day, as Vinny and Pauly get ready for a beach date with their ladies, Pauly groans that he could have used Vinny the night before. At the same time, Sitch bitches that he had to play wingman for Pauly the night before. It's pretty much the same story, just interpreted through each of their gargantuan egos. So you can imagine...
Pauly and Vinny go out on their double date, except there is some sort of screwball comedy bit in which Rocio thinks Pauly has stood her up and vice versa. It's only worth mentioning because this show is desperate for content. Speaking of, here's Sammi and Ronnie! They show up. Ronnie promptly mounts Pauly's ass and humps him (gross), and Sammi mocks the boys for being "wifed up" (ummmm... pot-kettle, hag). Long story short, everyone's hot, everyone has fun, and Sitch is conspicuously not involved. Coincidence? I think not.