Jersey Shore

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Angelina Hag-erina

Previously: Angelina is a "hypocritical whore" (TM Situation 2010) that everyone hates. In other breaking news, the sky is blue. And in a bit of business, shout out to superfan Marlise Giesen for crafting a pouftastic .gif of Snooki shoving the Ron Ron Juice right out of Ronnie. Now these images of David versus Go-roid-ath are mine to treasure forever!

It's nighttime in MIA when we return to the scene of Vinny's inglorious standup by some go-go girl or cocktail waitress or whatever. She coulda been the one! Now the sad flowers of rejection lie on the Communal Smush Bed, dying little by little like Vinny's dignity. Of course, that would have happened regardless of whether some trick stood him up.

While Pauly takes out his date -- the one who didn't stand him up -- Angelina, Jose, and SamRo 2.0 go out to celebrate Jose's birthday over dinner. You see, they're all besties now because they have no other damn friends. Angelina says her (forced) confession about hooking up with Vinny put a kink in their vibing, and she insists she shouldn't have had to tell him anything. Kind of like how Ronnie didn't need to tell Sammi that stuff that was in that note you swear not to know anything about (but for which you supplied all the information)? Oh, okay. Pffffft. The girls go to the bathroom, and Jose tells Ronnie about his disappointment that Angelina stepped out on him, even though they're not officially together. Turns out the hypocritical whore told Jose not to get with any other chicks, but didn't feel the need to follow the same rules for herself. Ronnie says Jose is getting played like a piano. As everyone walks home, Ronnie and Sammi talk shit about Angelina from about five paces behind her. They both judge Angelina for being a cheater (who's the hypocrite now, Ronnie?), and Sammi says that just because Angelina's her "friend" (term used very loosely) doesn't mean she trusts her. What a solid foundation for friendship: Distrust and semi-tolerance!

Pauly and his date return home to find Vinny pouting as he chugs from a Solo cup. The fearsome foursome return shortly thereafter. Ronnie decides to salvage the situation and a bit of Vinny's dignity by leaving money for the flowers Vinny bought and giving them to Sammi. In front of Vinny. Yeah, that's totally not embarrassing. Then Ronnie comments that his and Mike's "children" and "Snooki juice" are probably on the flowers now that they've been sitting on the Communal Smush Bed for several hours. Ugh. To make matters worse, Sammi takes offense that Ronnie didn't pick out the flowers (which are quite lovely, btw) himself. Ronnie eventually admits that he was just being an a-hole. Isn't that a given? Like him saying, "And then I took a breath."

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Jersey Shore

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