Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
Angelina Hag-erina

The girls hit up the nail salon so JWOWW can get herself prettified for her boyfriend Tom's visit. A few hours later, he arrives. They are really excited to see each other and super-cute together. Clearly this is JWOWW's soft underbelly. She shows Tom around the house and into her bedroom, where Snooki is lying in bed in sunglasses and those stank slippers that she wears all over kingdom come. Tom laughs at the housemate's collective lack of hygiene.

While JWOWW gets ready to go out, Tom unpacks and riffles through her things. As you do. He finds a guy's phone number he didn't want her to have and threatens to leave. She follows after him to talk it out, swearing she didn't do anything with the other guy. Sammi totally smirks as they fight. Tom comes back inside, but he's still sulking. They slowly reconcile, perhaps lulled by the sound of Snooki snoring in the background.

Meanwhile, Angelina's friend Gina turns up with some seriously hoochie dresses that Angelina's mom sent down. A few minutes later, Angelina's mom calls. Seconds into the conversation, Angelina breaks down into tears inexplicably. She says she misses home. Gina picks up the phone and says Angelina's crying for no reason. Mom asks, "Do you think the dress is too tight, maybe?" Way to plumb the depths of your daughter's emotional welfare, Mrs. Pivarnick. Then again, it confirms what a pain-in-the-ass drama queen Angelina is if her mom thinks she'd cry at something so stupid.

That night, the girls get ready for da club and compare their cooter injury war stories. As you do. For their part, the boys launch into a rousing round of "It's T-shirt tiiiiiiiime!" Eventually, they head out for the night. Angelina immediately sets her sights on Dennis, a guy that Snooki smushed. Homegirl is really making a name for herself in sloppy seconds. She's like the Brooke Shields of smushing. Snooki, unfortunately, finds herself trapped by some suit-wearing asshat who thinks asking questions about wanting to kill people is a good pick-up tactic. She awesomely says she's feeling like killing someone (him) right now. She breaks free of that one and is immediately flanked on all sides by a bevy of grenade grundle chodes.

The boys fare far better. Sitch finds himself a DTF Canadian model, and they're literally licking each other's faces within minutes. Soon enough, he takes her to the bathroom for a quickie. Her parents must be so proud. Tragically, his herpes club tour 2010 is cancelled when the bouncer bangs on the door and announces that only one person is allowed in the bathroom at a time. Sitch decides it's time to head home, but he has somehow managed to lose this upstanding young lady. He heads home carrying his blue balls and punishing himself for not getting her number.

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Jersey Shore




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