Previously: You're just a Unit, you stupid Unit. Damn yo(U)nit! Unless you're a Vinny. In which case, bah-eeee!
We return as Pauly bids his heterosexual life partner Vinny goodbye. You can just hear his heart breaking for the lack of totally-not-gay spooning in his future. More pressing, though (no pun intended), is his unfortunate task of telling the roommates. They are all various riffs on sad, shocked and completely disastrous. Of course Jionni's first instinct when Snooki is, completely understandably, surprised is to ask, "Just tell me. Are you in love with him?" OMJionni, stop it! Luckily we don't have to deal with all that bullshit because Deena is #STUPiDFACEDD wasted and started weeping like she lost her only child to consumption or some other similarly old-timey disease. Seriously, the drama she is bringing is hilarious. She tells an unmoved JWOWW, "He's, like, my soul." Basically, like this. JWOWW actually has to yank (and I do mean yank) her skirt down over her underwears to make her presentable to go back out to the dance floor. On the upside, at least she's wearing underwears! And she also (kind of!) has her wits about her. Unlike many other times we've seen, she has the presence of mind to ask, "Do I look like a mess?" Well, for starters, YES. The answer is always "Yes." In this situation in particular because she has a streamer of toilet paper trailing from her stiletto heel. Ponder this: How can she dance off her bathing suit bottom and not a strand of toilet paper? Just sayin'.
No matter, because there's only an hour left to get down with their guido selves. Minutes later, Deena is clutching Sammi's teat, and The Situation is working his game (or whatever you would call it in his case). He brings his grenade home, and Pauly takes it as a personal mission to get it in with a cute girl for "my man Vinny." They get back to the Shore House as an Italian song plays: "Non capisco." Translation: "I don't understand." Five seasons later, that about sums it up.