Jersey Shore
Dropping Like Flies

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Lady Lola: C+ | Grade It Now!
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The Situation Gloom

The next day, Sitch, JWOWW, and Ronnie report for work at the Shore Store. By "work," I mean JWOWW naps (that is, until she gets a vuvuzela to the ear from Danny), Sitch scams on hot chicks, and Ronnie bitches about how worthless the others are. Only Sitchy's endeavors appear to prove profitable, though, when he meets a fetching Bosnian chippy who gives him her number and hits him with this unforgettable line: "I want grilled cheese. With no crust." Why hasn't that line worked for me in the past? I want grilled cheese, too! Or mozzarella sticks.

Back home, everyone calls Vinny to check on him. They all admit they're coping with his absence in different ways. Some are smashed tattooed cougars, others are sublimating their excess sexual energy. Sammi... well, she's just being as bland as usual.

The sun sets, and the kids head out to celebrate the guys' birthdays. Sitch immediately spots the Bosnian girl from earlier, and they share a shot. "What are we toasting to?" she asks. Simultaneously, she says, "Grilled cheese, no crust," and he says, "Snuggle naked." Well then. Glad they're on the same page. Minutes later he has abandoned the Bosnian for his fuck buddy Paula, who is in a white bikini and shakin' it like the rent's due tomorrow. He decides he'll "give" the Bosnian to Pauly as a birthday present. So considerate! And not misogynistic at all! For her part, Deena is doing pretty well, too. When not straddling the taps on the bar top, she runs into the brother of a guy she made out with the year before.

They all head home, where Deena heads up the roof deck with her guy and pulls out her top-shelf hook-up lines, such as, "I may look like a nutcase, but I'm actually a good girl." Downstairs, Pauly is pretty much at the ultimatum stage with the Bosnian, telling her, "You can come to bed, or I can call you a cab." The girl just stands there in the kitchen and looks at Sammi with pleading eyes. She finally asks, "Can we just talk in the room?" Pauly: "I'll call you a cab." And he shakes her hand on the way out. Ouch! The gang discusses the treasonous actions of the Bosnian in the kitchen. They agree that the Bosnian didn't understand the rules of the house, and Ron nods knowingly, "That's why she doesn't belong here." Then he looks at Paula and says, "No offense." As if she would take offense. Trick gets it. Sammi characterizes Paula as a hippy, which is probably, like, the highest guido insult -- aside from "pale." Still, she says, it seems like Sitch actually may have some feelings for Paula. "I actually really like Paula," she affirms. "She may be dirty and grimy and disgusting... but she's just a really nice girl."

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Jersey Shore

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