Jersey Shore
Dropping Like Flies

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C+ | Grade It Now!
The Situation Gloom

Sitch takes Paula up to smush, and downstairs there's a knock on the door. The Bosnian is back! What is it with Pauly and these persistent foreigners? She says she doesn't want to go home yet, that if he won't have her, she'll hang out with Sitch. Which validates Ronnie's point that she really doesn't belong here. Anyone worth their weight in spray tanner would realize that Sitch is even worse than Pauly when it comes to this stuff. More desperate? Yes. More welcoming to closed-legged pajama parties? Hell nah. Pauly tells her scornfully, "Go hang out with Mike." Of course, Sitch is in the pre-bang phases with Paula. He steps onto the porch to humor the Bosnian but gets an uncomfortable look that can only be explained by blue balls when she tells him, "Let's just hang out." It seems he's discombobulated because he sits down, then we learn he's really just biding his time because Paula is in the shower. The whole interaction lasts about 15 seconds, during which time Sitch basically says, "I'll tap you another time, girl," then peaces out. He knows on which side his bread is buttered. He even admits that there is a possibility with Paula that he could "get wifed up." In the meanwhile, downstairs, we bid, "Farewell, sweet Bosnian! We hardly knew ye."

The next day, it's Pauly's actual birthday. He's sad Vinny isn't there but is really happy to find that about a dozen of family members have traveled down for the occasion. His mom even arranged for his "bah-buh" to come down and cut his hair. And, with that, we get to see Pauly's hair au naturel for the third time in Jersey history. I cherish these occasions. I really do. As he gets his haircut, even his mom is, like, "What's up with the hair?" Apparently Pauly's been rocking the blow-out for 10 years, and she has yet to figure out what's so great about it. I guess sometimes confidence is that ineffable thing the comes from inside... your follicles as they're covered with industrial-strength gel, ozone-depleting hair spray, and decoupage varnish.

Seeing Pauly's family, Sitch finds a way to make it all about him and feel sad that his family didn't visit. His worries will soon be out the window, though, because the girls of the house are planning a multi-stripper celebration. Oh wait, I forgot that this is The Situation. He takes every opportunity for bellyaching to the fullest. As such, Sitch has a sourpuss on his face the entire time the guys go out for dinner with Pauly's family. He excuses himself to wallow, desperately hoping someone will run after him and dote on him at the expense of Pauly. Of course they don't. They're eating delicious cake! In the absence of affection, he takes a bit of shuteye, but he's close enough that the rest of the party can hear him snoring like a wildebeest. They all have a good laugh at Sitchy's expense, and Ronnie tiptoes over to squirt frosting all over his face. I'm not sure if that plan backfired or worked out just right. After all, he did get attention, and that's all Sitch wants in life. He pretends to be upset, but you know he's loving it.

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Jersey Shore




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