Elsewhere, Pauly D braves the tan-smearing rain to pick up The Situation, who is wearing every piece of Ed Hardy clothing Christian Audigier has ever conceived, fabricated and/or discarded. Somewhere Jon Gosselin's heart breaks a little. Sitch reminds us how close he and Pauly D became last season, thanks to Pauly's willingness to throw his fireproof, motorcycle-proof hair on more than one ugly chick last summer on The Shore. As they drive South, they visualize their plan of attack on the unsuspecting ladies of Miami.
Meanwhile, Snooki picks up JWoww and wonders why JWoww's bag is so heavy. The Woww has two words for Snickers: "Fuckin' bronzer!" Nice. Snooki makes similar declarations to The Situation's and Pauly D's about how Miami betta watch out. She says they're going to be like a tornado, going from place to place and destroy it. With their herpes.
Next we travel to actual New Jersey, where Sammi Sweetheart's friends tell her to get some ass this summer. She recaps the Liz Taylor-Richard Burton-esque relationship she had with Ronnie last summer and how they mutually decided to end things. She acknowledges that things might be weird this go-around, but who really cares when you're getting paid to live on South Beach and smush up on juiceheads for a couple months, right?
Further east in the Bronx, Ronnie and his bros chase their roid cycles with some Ron Ron Juice and talk up Ronnie's new "Single and Ready to Mingle" status. One of his totally dateable buddies (gag me with a salsicc') gives him some precautionary tips for all the ugly bitches he's gonna pound out.
Staten Island. Vinny bids goodbye to his traveling circus of a family, with one uncle advising him, "Don't get too much nookie from Snooki!" He says that his uncles want him to come to Miami and "bang everything," but his goal is to seek out higher quality ladies this time around. Or just any at all?
Somewhere down I-95 South, The Situation and Pauly D are gunning it so they can arrive in Miami first and pick the best room. Oh, but the plot thickens! Snooki and JWoww have put together their bronzer-addled brains to come up with the exact the same plan. The intrigue! The suspense! The summer camp-ness of it all is too much to bear!
Back in the boys' car, Pauly weighs in on Angelina's rumored return. He says he doesn't care if she's back, as long as she doesn't cock block like she did last summer. His attitude may have softened a bit, he clarifies, because she didn't block his cock one bit when they hooked up at a club in L.A. over the hiatus. But as is the life with Pauly D, he used her just like all the others, and the next day it was on to the next.