Speak of the cock blocker, Angelina makes her way down from Staten Island to MIA. She says she's glad to have gotten a second chance even though the rest of us are scratching our heads as to why she did. She says she's looking forward to showing everyone "the real Angelina," not just the bitchy side. I, for one, am not so sure there is another side. To wit, she says that her brief stay in the house last season was so tumultuous because the other girls were jealous. Cut to JWoww and Snooki laughing at Angelina's hype that she's considered "the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island." "What ass?" snarks JWoww. All the while, Angelina gets her lady business waxed and ready as she explains that she's been talking with Pauly D and The Situation, that they "invited" (through production staff intermediaries, no doubt) her down to Miami, so she's going. She declares, "The bitch of Staten Island is back! And ready to party..." for about 12 minutes before she decides she's too lazy to actually work for her paycheck again.
That night, Sitch and Pauly pass through Myrtle Beach and buy about 10 grand in fireworks. No joke. So heavy are these explosive dazzlers, in fact, that their SUV gets stuck in the mud (of a frickin' corn field!) up to its footboards. And let me tell you, as Pauly dials AAA, it is riveting! Psssssh. If this is what they're leading with, I do worry a bit about the sustainability of this show... Not letting anything rain on their moron parade, they set off the 73,000 fireworks while waiting for the guy from AAA -- who gets stuck in the mud after he arrives! Save us all. So they have to call another AAA truck to rescue them. It's a veritable mirror hall of dumbfuckery. Has no one here seen the Oscar-winning cinematic masterpiece My Cousin Vinny?! Eventually, they get out with only one casualty: Pauly's new pair of shoes. RIP Nikes!
Off in another hamlet of Southern Amurikuh, JWoww and Snooki roll up into a roadhouse. From their all-black outfits, it seems obvious they've seen My Cousin Vinny. Because if I'm taking fashion cues from any fictional character, it's definitely Mona Lisa Vito. Stepping up her Deep South game, Snooki dons a cowboy hat so she'll "fit in." Or maybe because the Pouf formed a union with JWoww's bleach streaks, and they both demanded the night off. The ladies immediately note how dead the place is and how they want to get out of there ASAP. Then Snooki sees fried pickles on the menu. This is the moment that Emilio lost his place in her heart, I think. She describes her first time eating fried pickles, and she's like a born-again virgin, juiced for the very first time. She sums up that it was "a life-changing experience."