The shenanigans continue back at the house as Ronnie slurringly brags about getting some girl's number and makes graphic gestures with his squatty hips while muttering, "¡Ven aqui!" All I can say to that is, "¡Sucio!" After some sloppy rolling around on the ground, he retires to Sammi's bed for some sloppy make-up sex. Sitch wonders exactly how aware Sammi is of Ronnie's infidelity and how much she's acknowledging to herself.

Downstairs, Vinny has passed out on the bean bag chair by the phone when Snooki comes down to hiccup a five a.m. wake-up call to her ill-fated boyfriend Emilio. He won't move, so they wriggle around together, giggling and knocking over tables all the while. Good old-fashioned family fun if you ask me! Emilio, on the other hand, is not amused. After she hangs up, Vinny invites her into his bed for a platonic cuddle. "I won't touch you," he promises. "I need companionship." Snooki asks, "Like a dog?" Love. It. And then things get hairy -- like a dog, you might say. They lie innocently next to each long enough for Snooki's little hamster wheel brain to start turning. Next thing you know, she's asking an entirely different question: "Wanna fuck?" Vinny sweetly replies, "Sure." And Snooki burp-hiccups the start to their romantical foreplay.

They wake up the next morning, still in their clothes... mostly. Vinny wonders if he did "the unthinkable." Before he can answer his own question, Emilio calls. Vinny tells Emilio Snooki's asleep and hangs up. Sitch immediately bags on him, and Vinny insists that he didn't do anything with Snooki. But you can see it in his eyes that he fears he'll never live this night down.

Later, JWoww bitches about the constant ups and downs between Sammi and Ronnie, who are still in bed. She asks Pauly what they should do about Ronnie's creeping. JWoww calls Ronnie a pig, but Pauly remains noncommittal -- mainly because he thinks Sammi would be stupid enough to stay with Ronnie even after she found out the truth. Proving as much, Sammi complains in an interview about Ronnie's "mixed signals." I don't know if I'd classify calling someone a "c*nt" and a "fucking bitch" mixed signals, but I don't really speak Jersey or Bronx dialect, so it must be my misunderstanding. Ugh.

That afternoon, Sammi, Sitch and Ronnie report for their shift at the gelato shop. Sammi Mensa-heart herself struggles to scoop gelato. Somehow this helps Ronnie resolve his dilemma about whether he should reinstate her as his girlfriend. He hugs her and calls her his girl as some creepy assistant manager raises his eyebrows approvingly at them from the back of the store. Sammi toasts her victory with a double scoop of gelato. Oh wait, she's too stupid to scoop fucking Italian ice. Scratch that.