Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Hate in This Club

Once the night picks up, Sammi notices that Ronnie has been sipping too much Ron Ron Juice. For some reason, she doesn't appreciate his lap-dancing and good time-having. Not content to be miserable on her own (too bad Angelina just got a "Get Out of Jail Free" card!), she totally harshes Ronnie's buzz. They squabble and bicker until he chews her out like the rager he is. He goes back to his weird brand of dancing. She leaves in a huff, convinced for the millionth time that they're over.

It's no skin off Ronnie's teeth as he keeps creeping with his boys. Eventually Snooki spies Ronnie macking on some other hooch. She confronts him, wherein he inarticulately explains how Sammi was all up in his grill (still not sure what about, because these people are such numbskulls) and that he just wants to have fun with his fellas. Snooki thinks he should draw a line between "having fun" and cheating. He thinks he has, and that making out is well within that line. And yet, five seconds later, he asks the other guys not to snitch, essentially acknowledging his own guilt. Snooki asks Pauly what she should do. He avoids answering her by pointing out how Sammi and Ronnie have a roller-coaster relationship, then interviews that he knows that any one girl knowing what Ronnie is up to will blow up in his face eventually. Ronnie tries to butter up Snooki, but she holds her ground and urges him to come clean to Sammi. That is, until he straight-up pushes her. At which point, Pauly literally drags his drunk ass out of the club.

The shenanigans continue back at the house as Ronnie slurringly brags about getting some girl's number and makes graphic gestures with his squatty hips while muttering, "¡Ven aqui!" All I can say to that is, "¡Sucio!" After some sloppy rolling around on the ground, he retires to Sammi's bed for some sloppy make-up sex. Sitch wonders exactly how aware Sammi is of Ronnie's infidelity and how much she's acknowledging to herself.

Downstairs, Vinny has passed out on the bean bag chair by the phone when Snooki comes down to hiccup a five a.m. wake-up call to her ill-fated boyfriend Emilio. He won't move, so they wriggle around together, giggling and knocking over tables all the while. Good old-fashioned family fun if you ask me! Emilio, on the other hand, is not amused. After she hangs up, Vinny invites her into his bed for a platonic cuddle. "I won't touch you," he promises. "I need companionship." Snooki asks, "Like a dog?" Love. It. And then things get hairy -- like a dog, you might say. They lie innocently next to each long enough for Snooki's little hamster wheel brain to start turning. Next thing you know, she's asking an entirely different question: "Wanna fuck?" Vinny sweetly replies, "Sure." And Snooki burp-hiccups the start to their romantical foreplay.

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Jersey Shore

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