Jersey Shore
Fist Pump, Pushups, Chapstick

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Team Meatballs, Attack!

The girls arrive home, and Snooki calls Jionni. She says she called to tell him he's the best guy she's ever met and makes her happy. And what is the cherry on top of this love fest? "I wanna suck your butt," followed by a belch for emphasis. And like Sammi setting eyes on Ronnie's roses, Jionni is not impressed. He tells her to stop saying stupid stuff. She says that's just her, and she doesn't like being scared of being herself in case in might make him mad. Like an abusive dickhead, he says, "You should be. I am." He continues, "I don't even know what's going to happen when I get there." She tells him not to come if he's so worried about keeping up appearances then abruptly ends the conversation.

She heads out to the smoking room and vents to Ronnie, who happened to be within earshot when this exchange occurred. Ronnie advises her not to change who she is just because she's in a relationship. And he would know. He never let being in a relationship with Sammi stop him from motor boating fat chicks. That's who he is! He tells Snooki she should go on with her freaky self and tell Jionni to suck Nutella off her toes. (He came up with this on the fly, completely out of nowhere, it's worth mentioning.) Snooki doesn't miss a beat: "Well not my toes..."

That night, we learn Deena has talents besides bicurious robbery and falling down. She is schooled in the art of hair. As such, we get to see Pauly without hair gel for the second (maybe third?) time in Jersey Shore history. In a years' time, people will point to this moment and say, "I remember what I was doing when..." She blow-dries his hair out fully, then begins to plaster it with gel until he has a pretty solid mohawk going on. Pauly rightly points out that he looks like JWOWW's boyfriend Roger. Deena says she'd bang him, not that that's news.

With his new hairdo, Pauly adopts a new persona -- Joey D -- who wears sunglasses and track jackets and screams a lot. Wow, really stretches the limits of your creativity on that one there, Pauly. Vinny decides to get in on the action, donning a sweatband, sunglasses, and a similar track jacket. He explains, "We are dressing up like the ultimate guidos right now, and no one knows more than guido toolbags than us." He does not add, "Because that's who we are." Deena is befuddled about the boys' use of the word costume for their guido outfits. Mainly because these are their normal clothes, not some ridiculous track suits they bought for a one-off chuckle. The guys won't be put down by her logic, though. They apply chapstick liberally because apparently chapstick is the key to guidodom. Vinny has adopted the moniker Louie, and he calls Pauly Tony for some reason. Guess they remembered there were too many Jersey Joeys in play on TV. Vinny does some ridiculous running man-style dance moves, and Pauly declares, "I'm gonna fuckin' fist pump 'til my fuckin' arm falls off." Again, these are costumes how? Then Joey/Tony (née Pauly) plays like Louie (née Vinny) fist pumped in the eye. He yells, "How many times I gotta tell you? Don't fist pump near my eye!" They stop dead in their tracks. Pauly makes it about five seconds before cracking up. They name their new routine FPC -- Fist Pump, Pushups, Chapstick -- and do all these things in a row over and over again like a little dance. Pauly says "FPC's a way of life. I'm a guido for life!" Wow, I didn't know Guidos had the ability to be meta or ironic. JWOWW concludes, "You are like every guy I ever dated. I swear to God!"

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Jersey Shore

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