Jersey Shore
Fist Pump, Pushups, Chapstick

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Team Meatballs, Attack!

But the guido lifestyle must continue, so everyone gets ready to go out -- including Vinny, who has decided to make skinny jeans happen. While wearing a shirt that says "THUG LIFE," mind you. Sitch also tags along. Has it been 10 days already? I would have guessed two. Then again, I would not be one bit surprised if he abandoned doctor's orders. Because what's the alternative? Read a book? I mean really.

The club is "crazy-packed," says Pauly, and everyone is getting their own version of the robot on (I'm not making that up, they're really doing the robot... or something like it). Ronnie leans into Sammi for a peck on the lips, and she is happier than ever. She tells Ronnie, "Don't hurt me." He promises, "Never again" and kisses her some more. She lies (mainly to herself) that this is the last and final time they'll go through this rigmarole.

Just when you think all is right with the world, Ronnie gets overly exuberant with his dancing and injures his knee when he falls over. He has to sit down and ice his knee for a moment, but is back up in no time. Because when you get the urge to hump a wall like Gene the camp cook with his favorite fridge, nothing can bring you down.

The girls aren't having such a good time. There are lots of pushy bitches about tonight, and they're getting on JWOWW, Snooki, and Deena's last nerve. I tell you one thing: If I had Deena acrylic talons pointed square in my face, I would indeed fall back. Not so for the American drunkos up in Club TwentyOne. One of them sees Deena's finger waving and ups the ante by pouring a drink on Snooki's head. Deena lunges at the girl like a dog at a piece of meat and has to be held back. At which point, the title card "MEATBALLS" flashes across the screen. Awesome. Snooki jumps in the fracas, and Deena says in a later interview it was like "Team Meatballs, attack!" Unfortunately, they were attacking each other. After several moments of mutual hair pulling, Snooki and Deena realize it's each other's weaves they're tugging on. Vinny pulls them apart and they're hugging and laughing about it within minutes.

Now that literally every combination of people in the house have sparred with one another (save eternally placid Pauly and Vinny), the gang figures it's safe to go home. While Ronnie makes pasta (as you do at four in the morning), Snooki calls Jionni. Judging from the fact she can barely operate the keypad and unleashes a stream of curses on the automated operator, it's obvious this isn't going to go well. Jionni picks up and Snooki starts slobbering how much she misses him and wants to be with him. He immediately spots that she's drunk, then out of nowhere jumps to the conclusion that she might have hooked up with someone. He keeps drilling her, and Ronnie sees the change in her mood. He walks over, grabs the phone from her hand, and tries to have a Jionn-tervention. Alas, it's a non-starter, and Ronnie hands back the phone in frustration. Jionni continues to upbraid Snooki for pissing him off and being a bitch to him, none of which she actually did. Snooki says he only cares about himself and asks what about her. At which point he abruptly hangs up on his crying girlfriend who just called to say, "I love you." She heads to her bedroom and to Crocodilly's sweet embrace.

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Jersey Shore




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