Previously: JWOWW took the frustrations of her foundering relationship out on the duck phone. Not cool! Sammi finally acknowledged what a wench she's been and apologized to Snooki and Deena. Snooki went on a vagina-flashing, beach-rolling, crowd-gathering bender that ended in the back of an SHPD cruiser.
We rejoin everyone's favorite drunken demi-dwarf as the po-po shove her bedraggled ass into the back of the cruiser. Deena and JWOWW cry in disbelief as they head home. JWOWW calls Snooki's dad to tell him what's happening. He lets out a groan and a "Shit!" She promises to call him when she bails out Snooki. JWOWW makes her next call to Tommy to apologize for not calling. She breaks into tears as she explains what's going down, and he reacts by screaming at her for being a bitch the night before. She slams down the duck phone and complains that this is a side she's never seen of him.
The guys get home, and Deena updates them on the shenanigans. Vinny says Snooki's hard partying ways are no longer funny. Now it's a problem. Throughout the conversation, Tommy tries to call JWOWW back, but she tells him to go fuck himself and ignores the rest of the calls. Someone from the police department calls to tell JWOWW she can pick up Snooki. Everyone goes in a show of solidarity, and Snooki laughs all the way home. Not unlike being punched in the face by a high school gym teacher, she admits this was an embarrassing moment but appreciates the support of her roommates.
Back home, JWOWW walks Snooki through her blackout and explains just how fucked up she was to earn the official distinction of "Public Nuisance." Flashbacks provide colorful examples of her traveling shit show. Amazingly, JWOWW has already been to the T-shirt shop and back to press her very own "FREE SNOOKI" tank top.
Snooki bites the bullet and calls her father. She understates that being in jail "wasn't fun." He reads her the riot act, telling her she should be embarrassed and needs to get her shit together. He vows to come personally pick her vagrant ass up next time she causes a scene. She puts on a baby voice, so he softens up. He does tell her he's disappointed, which she considers the worst thing he could say to her. He asks her to promise never to get in that position again. Interestingly, we don't hear her make those words. Editorial decision or self-awareness on Snooki's part? You be the judge.
Snooki plans to stay in and rest up that night because she's worried history will repeat itself if she goes to the bars that night. Deena and JWOWW head up to the porch with her to talk things over. Snooki blames her problems on her break-up with Emilio. JWOWW thinks her little orange friend is Snookin' for love in all the wrong places. For her part, Snooki thinks her desperation for romance is "worse than a staph infection" and is making her depressed. She says she's addicted to bronzer, boys, and alcohol. Well, Ms. Polizzi, they say the first step to getting better is admitting you have a problem. So, brava. Now can you go back to being a hot mess again?
While the girls get all therapeutic and shit, it's T-shirt Time for MVP. Deena joins them for their night out at Bamboo, hitting on girls with pizzazz. The guys have a grand old time watching her antics, and Pauly says Deena has an open invitation to hang with the guys. Soon enough, a faux hawked young man -- aptly named Dean -- takes a liking to Deena, and they start bumping and grinding. The guys immediately notice that Dean is a carbon copy of Ronnie, albeit a little less smash-faced if you ask me. The Situation thinks Deena is fulfilling fantasies about Ronnie by picking up this gorilla.
Dean accompanies Deena home, and the guys trail them the whole way calling him "Ronnie." They even drag him into the confessional for some Ronnie mimicry. While Deena slips on her bikini, the guys decide to take Dean, a.k.a. Fake Ronnie, into SamRo 2.0's bedroom and introduce him to Sammi to see if it trips her out. Sammi can't really be bothered to wake up and indulge them, but Ronnie seems amused. Eventually it comes out that Fake Ronnie has a girlfriend, whose name is also Sam. The inane pleasure they derive from the Ron-pelganger is rivaled only by that of Joey Tribbiani finding his hand twin.
Deena finally brings her straw hat and big, bouncing bazooms out and escorts this "hot juicebox" out to the hot tub. They exchange sweet talk, and he lies through his perfect teeth about having a girlfriend. While they make out, the guys pretend they're really stressed that Ronnie is cheating on Sammi and wonder whether they should tell her about his indiscretions. Vinny's all, "I know! Why don't we write an anonymous letter? It's fool-proof!" He and Pauly mock the overwritten, Miss Teen South Carolina stylings of the girls' Miami letter as they promise to live up to girl code. Oblivious to all this, Deena invites Fake Ronnie back to her bedroom to cuddle, thinking she's achieved a major coup. She does clarify that she didn't give him "the golden ticket... just a sneak peek." The next morning, Fake Ronnie leaves for work under the watchful eye of Sammi. The minute he's out the door, Sammi breaks it to Deena that FR has a girlfriend. Deena seems pretty unfazed since she got herself some oral attention downstairs.
That night, Snooki ends her slop-free sabbatical to head out with the gang, though she swears she'll only have one drink. Karma, ho! JWOWW sees Roger again, and they clear the air that her friend was mistaken in thinking he had a girlfriend. They start fresh with a harmless peck.