The gang heads back home with smiles on their faces. Sitch notes that the house is full of energy now that SamRo 2.0 isn't fighting. The words are still hanging in the air when JWOWW takes a phone call from Tommy. Ronnie has the gall to compare JWOWW's combined total of 30 minutes flirting with Roger to his bazillion shithead moves in Miami. What's worse, he delights in the possibility of sending an anonymous note to Tommy pointing out what a "shady bitch" JWOWW is. Okay, for the sake of brevity I'm not even going to start comparing apples and oranges. I'm not saying JWOWW's completely innocent by any means, but that's a load of self-denying, rationalizing horseshit right there. And it goes without saying that it's sexist and/or misogynist on about a million levels. Regardless, JWOWW and Tommy have another accusatory, strained conversation wherein he hangs up on her instead of saying "I love you" and she says under her breath, "That's why I'm leaving your ass, douche." All because two people fell in love!
The next day, JWOWW calls Roger and makes plans to meet him on the boardwalk. Deena tags along for a double date with Roger's friend Alex. JWOWW admits to having a conflict between her "high school feelings" for Roger and her relationship with Tommy. Speak of the devil, the old cheese ball-and-chain calls just as JWOWW is leaving. She tells him she's going to the boardwalk but omits the fact that Roger will be there, saying she's going to wait and see how both possibilities pan out. The four friends play along the boardwalk, and JWOWW snuggles up on Roger on a ride. She justifies that Tommy pushed her into Roger's arms by being apathetic about their relationship.
The girls head home with a prize for Snooki, who has decided she's going to stop drinking (except wine, it seems). She says the arrest was a wake-up call and plans to take it one day at a time. After a little bit, Vinny and Pauly come in with their flip cams and shoot goofy footage in an attempt to cheer up Snooki. They get shots of a super-sized pouf and JWOWW's super-sized tits, featuring first-bosom narration by the illustrious storyteller Pauly D. Vinny pushes the envelope by asking JWOWW, "Who works you better, the gorillas or Tom?" She pounces onto him and smothers him with the tatas. As you do.
Later that day, Snooki calls Ryder to plan a visit to the shore house. She says Ryder is her best friend in the world, but given Ryder's proclivities for riding Vinny, I suspect this spells dramz.
Snooki, JWOWW, and Pauly report for duty at the T-shirt shop. While their boss tries to coax Snooki into doing some actual work, JWOWW consults Pauly about whether she should be with Tommy or Roger. He tells her to go with whoever makes her happy. Snooki is pro-Roger. Seeing that Snooki is down in the dumps, JWOWW calls Roger to come lighten the mood. He brings his friend Nick, and Snooki immediately perks up -- and not just because of the iced coffees they bought. They sneak out for a break until they're summoned back by the boss.
They head home and tell Deena about Snooki's new fella. They primp for a boardwalk date with the guys, and Snooki explains that she might have to "double panty it" because too much excitement (like going to the club or going on a hot date) causes her to shit her pants. Truly. I didn't make any of that up. Fortunately for everyone involves she drops "a baby in the toilet" before they leave. Shortly after, Nick and Roger arrive, making Deena jealous that she only got Alex for her boardwalk date. The boardwalk double goes happily for everyone. JWOWW feels affirmed in her decision to distance herself from Tommy, and Snooki lets Nick get it in. Cue to a close-up of Nick's "La Famiglia" tattoo on his thrusting backside. Snooki says she prayed to the gods for a nice juicehead gorilla and finally got one.
A chorus of angelic hallelujahs usher in the next morning. The guys leave. JWOWW says she didn't have sex with Roger, but she also didn't miss Tommy at all, which proves she shouldn't be with him. After she resolves to shut him out, he calls. She mentions the boardwalk but again neglects to mention Roger. He wonders why she's acting cagey. She claims she's taking a breather and asserting her own independence. Pauly chimes in, "Roger that!" Tommy asks who she's been hanging out with, so she mentions Roger and Nick. He tells her to let him know if this is the last conversation they're going to have. He gets assy with her, so she serves it right back up, saying she's enjoying herself now more than she has with him for a while. She finally gets irate, saying he was cold and pissy with her the day she left, even though she'd done nothing wrong. He tries to respond, but she hangs up on him and says she's done.
After a smoke break and a good think, JWOWW calls her dad to see what's happening. He tells her Tommy's moving out of their home. Not a good sign, her top concerns are what will happen to her dogs and whether Tommy will take any of her stuff. She enlists Snooki to drive back home with her and get her dogs. As they drive, JWOWW prepares for the worst. Indeed, he has locked her out. She finds a hide-a-key and rescues her dogs from the trauma she assumes they've experienced. Now, I ask you this? Won't spending the summer with The Situation be equal to or greater than any trauma they could have endured locked in an empty house for a few hours? Consider...
Snooki heads upstairs and discovers Tommy has taken the bed, JWOWW's favorite watch that she got as a graduation present, the computer hard drive, and a slew of other things. JWOWW breaks down in the face of her many losses, insisting she didn't do anything to deserve this. At least not until last night...
Next week: Vinny gets cock-blocked by his trick's uncle. Ronnie turns to JWOWW during a fight with Sammi, and earns himself a Sweetheart brand punch in the face. And Sammi calls someone to take her home.