Deena does a rather unenthusiastic Jersey Turnpike on Pauly before handcuffing him to the chair, which I think was a strategic miscalculation on her part, frankly. As the cuffs click around his wrists, Sitch's paranoia returns, and he fears that he's going to be swept into a scene straight out of the end of Pulp Fiction or, at the very least, see some ugly chick pop out of the cake. The look of unabated terror on his face is pretty priceless. Unfortunately, his roommates aren't clever enough to see the awesome potential that is Sitch immobilized -- plus they're really planning this whole stripstravaganza for Pauly's benefit, so both guys get hot chicks. Sitch cockily says his stripper is cute enough that he "might even take her home," like that would be the real payment -- not the stack of sticky singles she's inevitably stuffing into his lycra "work uniform." And so Pauly declares it the best day of his life. Which I think kind of loses its oomph when you say it literally every day.

Pauly wastes no time finding a DTF chick and taking her home to show off his birthday suit. Sitch does manage to convince the hooker... ummmm... I mean stripper to head home with him. Randomly, like the Eliot Spitzer of Seaside, the trick demands socks. Sitch, as is his custom, goes a step further and gives her an entire ensemble. She is really into those socks, though, and she throws it all back in his face because the pair is mismatched. He gives her another pair. They have holes in them. This goes back and forth for several moments, and Sitch rightly points out the whole point of her being there is just to get naked anyway, so what gives? By the time they crawl into bed, he's over her and decides just to go to sleep.

Because Deena isn't getting any action (obviously), she enlists Ronnie to go call Vinny. They get his voicemail and assume it's because he's abandoned them as friends entirely. Actually, it's probably because it's 4:30 in the morning, numbskulls. Either way, they go film a sad-drunk confession before heading out to the patio to smoke and mope. A bit later, Pauly pushes his trick out the door like always and shares a giggle with Ronnie in honor of his evacuated testes.