Jersey Shore
Free Vinny

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
A Swarm of Bitches

They head home, where Deena calls Vinny to see if telling him about the roommate search can guilt him into coming back in time for the surprise party. Vinny doesn't budge, even after fellow abandoner Sammi gets on the phone. Vinny tells them half-heartedly, "Hopefully I'll see you soon," and they hang up.

During the interstitials, they show a couple of girls on the Boardwalk wearing matching booty shorts emblazoned with the words "GO HARD." Only, they're rolled down at the waist (classy), so you can only see half of the second word. The point I'm making is, I personally wouldn't be wearing any ass-hugging apparel that could be misread to say something akin to "LARD." Because that is definitely what I thought they said when the image first flashed by. I had to rewind and re-watch in slow-mo. Also, I don't care about the millions Victoria's Secret has made in recent years, I hold firm that it is generally a bad policy to wear clothes with words emblazoned upon your ass. That is all.

Speaking of things hard, the Meatballs want Pauly to give them a tutorial on how to "walk hard, like gangsta." Long story short, Pauly just sits back and shakes his head as they demonstrate definitively non-gangsta walks. Eventually, they bore of it and head to meet JWOWW and Sammi at Karma to coordinate the strippers for the party. For whatever reason, the girls have decided they want to handcuff Sitch and Pauly to wheelchairs (wheelchairs?) during their lap dances. The guy's all, "So you want the girls to pull their pants down?" Horror. No. And yet! Just seconds after vetoing frontal nudity, Sammi tells the guy his strippers "can't be shy." Well, Sam, they were prepared to pants your friends a baby's breath ago, so I think it'll be okay. Amid all this the guy answers his phone: "Wizard of Ass." Way to bury the lede, editors! Sammi is totally skeeved out, but all Snooki wants to know is, "Do you bang them?" The Wiz pleads the fifth.

JWOWW makes her way to the Shore Store, only to find Danny irritated because Ronnie and Sitch are late. They're basically thumbing their nose at his ultimatum. He puts up a "Help Wanted" sign to show how serious he is. Ronnie comes in apologetic for being late, whereas Sitchy strolls in out of his uniform and completely unfazed by it all. Within minutes a girl comes in to interview for a job. Danny asks Sitch to interview her, which makes zero sense, and Sitch decides it's a good opportunity to take his first break of the day by getting coffee with the prospective employee. Danny and Ronnie laugh, like, "Man, you really are worthless!" Another girl with retail experience shows up soon after her, and Ronnie approves other than her out-of-date fedora.

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Jersey Shore




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