Jersey Shore
Free Vinny

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
A Swarm of Bitches

Pauly wastes no time finding a DTF chick and taking her home to show off his birthday suit. Sitch does manage to convince the hooker... ummmm... I mean stripper to head home with him. Randomly, like the Eliot Spitzer of Seaside, the trick demands socks. Sitch, as is his custom, goes a step further and gives her an entire ensemble. She is really into those socks, though, and she throws it all back in his face because the pair is mismatched. He gives her another pair. They have holes in them. This goes back and forth for several moments, and Sitch rightly points out the whole point of her being there is just to get naked anyway, so what gives? By the time they crawl into bed, he's over her and decides just to go to sleep.

Because Deena isn't getting any action (obviously), she enlists Ronnie to go call Vinny. They get his voicemail and assume it's because he's abandoned them as friends entirely. Actually, it's probably because it's 4:30 in the morning, numbskulls. Either way, they go film a sad-drunk confession before heading out to the patio to smoke and mope. A bit later, Pauly pushes his trick out the door like always and shares a giggle with Ronnie in honor of his evacuated testes.

The next morning, Sitch likewise pushes the stripper out the door because she has grown needy, he claims. They'll do that to you! Meanwhile, it always astounds me that these girls will just leave the house and wait on the curb for their taxi to come. I guess it's better than the alternative of actually having to make conversation with The Situation.

Everyone wakes up, and Deena calls up Ronnie's friend Joey because she needs someone to accompany her to the "couples' night" the other girls have planned. Before that, though, it's time for bunny-nanigans! Snooki loves the idea of jumping out from behind a corner and sharing the crap out of JWOWW. Which, maybe if she were tall and the bunny suit looked more like this than this. Alas, she is 4'9", so the impact of the startle surely won't be that great or long-lasting. Regardless, they move forward with the plan, and Deena calls in JWOWW with some dumb excuse. Snooki pops out in the costume, and JWOWW does shriek but then immediately collapses into giggles. Snooki requests that JWOWW not spoil the secret because she wants to sneak up Ronnie when he's "shitting or sleeping." Frankly, I think the sight of Ronnie going number two would be far more traumatic on Snooki than any split-second of fright she could give him.

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Jersey Shore




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